


That Green Light, I Want It

by rickbisexualgrimes



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fluff and Angst, Gay Parents, Heartbreak, High School, M/M, Single Parents, Smut, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-01-07 01:41:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 22,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12223161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rickbisexualgrimes/pseuds/rickbisexualgrimes
Summary: Rick thought going to Alexandria High would be the best years of his life. He got asked out by Negan near the end of junior year and was finally in a decent place. From there he lost his virginity to him at a party, got his heart broken and how to endure a painful summer. Now his senior year has approached so Rick wants to be over Negan. Only it doesn't happen.





	1. Dealing with Douche Canoes

**Author's Note:**

> green light- lorde is where the title came from.

_2 Months Ago_

_Being at yet another end of the school year party wasn't exactly Rick's ideal place to lose his virginity but he didn't want to risk having his mom walk in. And it had nothing to do with her being a homophobic asshole either, she was quite the opposite. She was so supportive that she actually gave him condoms before he left the house, gave him printed out information about preparation, safe sex and everything you need to know about it. Even when he came out to her during sophomore year after him and Shane started secretly dating she was actually excited about the news. Nevertheless it would be one of the top three humiliating moments of his life (the first two he rarely ever mentioned to anyone.)_

_Rick didn't like drinking all that much but decided to have one or two shots to make himself more relaxed. For some reason he lost where Negan had went and found him chatting with one of the football players. A surge of jealousy arose in him that almost made Rick walk over there with a strut and a petty smile on his face. But he decided against that, waiting for his boyfriend to finally take him to a room where he'd lose his 'v-card.'_

  
_After waiting for what felt like an hour Negan strolled in his direction with a wild grin on his face. "You ready baby?"_

  
_"Ready as I'll ever be. I - I actually prepared myself before I came here tonight by usin' the lube you gave me."_

  
_Negan flicked his tongue out, "I'm a lucky fucking guy! Do you know how many guys would kill to be here with you?."_

  
_"Oh please." Rick laughed nervously. "No one even noticed me before."_

  
_"Trust me baby, they did."_

  
_They rushed up to one of the guest bedrooms in Negans buddies house and made themselves comfortable in there before they were in a heavy make out session. As far as sexual experiences went Rick had only ever done foreplay. He got his first blow job and hand job from Shane but that's as far as they ever got with each other before the break up._

_Rick's nerves were starting to fuck with him but he made certain to push past them. He unbuttoned the tight black jeans that were clinging to Negan's frame and tugged them down. Every time he thought he was ready to take the next step of actually getting penetrated he got scared. And it really did make him feel like a bitch baby, as if he couldn't just have sex like he'd been wanting for so long. He rubbed through the thin material of the taller boys boxers before checking to make sure it was okay to pull them off._

_"Go to town baby, I ain't so drunk that I can't consent, don't worry." Negan affirmed._

_"Okay. Tell me if you don't..um..like what I'm doin' at any point.."_

  
_"I highly doubt you're gonna disappoint me tonight Blue Eyes."_

 

* * *

 

 

 

 First Day of Senior Year:

 

 

Waking up in the morning was like being slapped in the face with a piece of raw salmon, unless you're into that, it's unpleasant. Rick had never been a morning person not when he was a child and definitely not as a teenager. He hopped into the shower like he usually did, brushed his teeth, washed his face then headed downstairs to eat a miserable breakfast. His mother was sitting there waiting for him like she always did but the look on her face said something that he wanted to avoid.

 

 

Rick decided to make some peanut butter on toast with a cup of tea for breakfast. He stayed as silent as he possibly could to avoid having a conversation with his mom about anything really.

 

 

"Are you goin' to pretend that I don't notice how miserable you are, Ricky?"

 

 

"No but I just can't discuss what you want me to."

 

 

Leah sighed, "Ricky, it's okay if you still have feelings for that Negan boy.. he was your first time after all. "

 

 

  
"Mom! Please!" Rick groaned as he covered his toast with smooth peanut butter.

 

 

  
"Alright sweetheart I'll stop. Oh by the way my PFLAG group sent an email to me and we're doin' another fundraiser event."

 

 

"That's great mom but what -"

 

 

  
"And you're goin' to it honey, no ifs ands or buts, maybe you'll meet a nice young man there."

 

 

  
Rick wasn't going to bother attesting because his mom meant well and she would just force him to go anyways. "Fine. I'll go."

 

 

  
"I know you're heartbroken and I get how tough that is but I was able to find love again with Jolene."

 

 

  
Apparently Rick hadn't been the only one keeping secrets, his mom apparently had always been attracted to more than just men in her life and finally openly expressed that. Sometimes it was in too much detail but nevertheless he was proud she finally decided to live her truth. He finished up his breakfast then cleared both their plates, kissed his mom on the forehead then grabbed his packed lunch from the fridge.

 

 

  
"Thanks for the talk mom..I'm gettin' a ride from Michonne."

 

 

  
"Tell her that I said hey! Also tell her to bring that girlfriend of hers by again, she's a spitfire that one."

 

 

 

Once they finally got to the school neither of them wanted to enter until the whole gang was there, it was a tradition that they upheld every single year since freshman year. And since it was senior year it was even more special than usual. The last person to arrive was Daryl who always had a habit of being fashionably late.

 

 

  
"Where the hell were you?" Rosita asked with a playful shove.

 

 

  
"I had to deal with Merle tryin' to steal shit again and mom almost called the cops on him."

 

 

  
"Do you wanna talk -"

 

 

  
"No." Daryl said quickly.

 

  
Tara pulled out her shades, "In that case let's all walk in there together so we can beat the hell out of Negan."

 

 

  
"No one's talkin' to him, I'm movin' on and I plan to avoid him at all costs."

 

 

 

"Rick, you're going to run into him eventually and you need to be prepared for that." Michonne pointed out as she held onto Andrea's waist. "We'll be with you every step of the way."

 

 

 

"If we do decide to beat the shit outta that loser we should find Sherry and beat that bitch up to!" Rosita growled.

 

 

 

"What happened between you and Sherry?'

 

 

 

Being consumed with your own heartbreak and drama made it hard to keep up with everyone else's if they were experiencing it to.

 

 

 

Rosita looked over at Tara who just shrugged at her, "She tried to hook up with my girl."

 

 

 

"Oh yeah I totally was there for that." Jesus piped in, earning a look of confusion from his boyfriend. "Don't any of you remember that party a week or so ago?"

 

 

 

"I was there but I don't pay attention to stupid shit like you." Daryl cracked a smile.

 

 

 

"The point is Sherry wanted to hook up and Rosita got mad even though you said we were over a few days prior."

 

 

 

Rick held up his hand to get everyone to be quiet, "Wait wait wait, y'all broke up?"

 

 

 

"Only for a couple of days 'cause she apparently thought I was cheating on her..which I wasn't!"

 

 

 

"I'm sorry if I was pissed off that you were getting messages from other girls on Facebook and Tumblr." Rosita paused. "And the girls were all people you know from school too."

 

 

 

They all had only a few minutes until the bell rung and they had to be in class so Rick practically pushed everyone inside. Having such a tight knit group of people was a lot harder than it sounded, getting immersed in each other's problems was like breathing. And to Rick they were his second family so he had no problem caring about them.

 

 

 

Rick went to the locker that he claimed for himself early on then did the combination. He set some of his supplies, his lunch and the pack of smokes that he definitely wasn't supposed to have inside. When he shut his locker he was met with Negan standing right there staring at him.

 

 

 

"Hey gorgeous, did ya miss me or did ya _miss me ? "_

Dealing with douche canoes was the last thing on Rick's to do list today, especially when said douche canoe was his ex who broke his heart into a million damn pieces.  And since talking to him would probably result in a punch to the jaw Rick turned around to go the other direction. 


	2. The Heartbreaker

_"Morning dad." Negan said before going straight for the cupboards in the kitchen, looking for his box of Frosted Flakes and grimacing at the other selections. He poured his bowl of cereal and went to sit in the living room on one of the couches. Sometimes he resented having to live in a run down place but he knew they couldn't afford anything else. At least his dad made sure they had a nice TV._

 

  
_"Morning son, did you actually get a good nights sleep or were you up watching that cartoon again?"_

 

_"My sleep was okay."_

 

_"That's great Negan, that's real great." Ken rubbed nervously over his stubble. "I have something I need to discuss with you."_

 

  
_Negan stared at his dad then gestured for him to continue. "What is it?"_

 

  
_"I may have met someone or I mean two people at least." His father ran his hands through his thick dark hair. "I'm in a poly relationship."_

 

_This news wasn't even shocking to Negan so he just shrugged like they were discussing what to have for dinner tonight. Which would likely be home made pasta and the most delicious fucking meatballs. He continued to eat his Frosted Flakes and nodded along to the music playing from the TV._

 

_"The reason I'm telling you is because I'm bringing them over for dinner tomorrow so you can meet the couple. If that's too strange I'll tell them now isn't the best time, unless you're okay with it?"_

 

  
_"I'm okay with it." Negan smiled for a brief second at his dad who seemed relatively happy. "I'll be on my best fucking behavior."_

 

  
_"Can you dial down on the swearing when they come by? I don't want them thinking you're too much trouble." Ken smiled before sipping his morning coffee._

 

  
_Negan chuckled in between bites of his breakfast. "Me? Trouble?"_

* * *

 

 

  
"Are you gonna fucking ignore me? C'mon baby don't walk away, we should talk about what happened."

 

 

Rick turned around aggressively to face the very person who broke his heart and felt weak in the knees for a second. "Maybe we should, maybe we should discuss how you were shit faced drunk and fucked some random at a party."

 

 

  
"I said I was fucking sorry! I didn't wanna face my feelings so I did that shit."

 

 

 

"You cheated on me 'cause you're an emotionally stunted asshole that instead of explaining your issues, you fucked someone else. Just leave me alone."

 

 

  
Negan almost stopped Rick from walking away but refrained from doing so because he would likely get clocked right in the damn face. Not that he could blame the boy for doing that to him, he did fuck him over, break his heart and now was asking for a do over. He had been known for royally stupid decision making so this was only further proving that. There was a school assembly in the gym to discuss what would be happening throughout the school year so Negan headed over by himself.

 

 

According to the principle there would be a lot more activities to participate in throughout the year, they would be giving the students opportunities to showcase their talents. And instead of having one talent show for the whole year, there would be at least three.

 

 

He didn't know whether or not he'd enter but it was still something to consider at the very least. 

 

 

  
Negan caught up with Beth who was basically grilling him about details in regards to what happened between him and Rick. Since she was his best friend he didn't have a problem explaining in more extensive detail.

 

 

  
He sat down with her during lunch and kept stealing the chips she packed. "So that's what happened."

 

 

  
"Uh uh that ain't the whole story." Beth smacked his hand away. 'Stop eatin' my chips, asshole."

 

 

  
"Why do we always have to talk about my shitty love life, why not yours?"

 

 

  
Beth narrowed her icy blue eyes in his direction, "You already know that Noah dumped my ass last month..after a year and a half of dating. "

 

 

  
"You should take up my advice and just hook up with someone, use em' then lose em'."

 

 

  
"I've thought of that but I don't know if I'm capable of fuckin' someone up like that, not after Noah. He really hurt me you know? I planned way too far ahead thinkin' he would want the same things in the long run. And now I just wish I could throw a fuckin' pie in his face or somethin'."

 

 

 

"A pie?" Negan laughed. "Why not just deck him in the fucking face?"

 

 

  
"That's violent behavior."

 

 

"Yeah, you're right but it gets the point across."

 

 

  
Negan could see how badly his best friend was heartbroken and was reminded of how he fucked over Rick. The guy wasn't just some extended hook up, he actually fell for him and then ripped Rick's heart out of his chest. He never got the chance to explain much about his past, his mother and why he was such a piece of shit. Something told him to just wait until a better time, maybe Rick just need space.

 

 

Or maybe he hated his fucking guts, wished he was dead and would rather not speak to him ever again unless it was necessary.

 

 

  
"I can see how tore up you are when it comes to Rick." Beth mentioned. "I'm always here if you need me ya know? We need to have another sleep over 'cause Maggie seems to not care."

 

 

  
"Hows that been with the whole your sister being your legal guardian now?"

 

 

  
Asking the wrong questions was another thing Negan was real fucking good at but that one didn't seem to phase the blonde.

 

 

  
Beth sipped her water bottle then set it down on the table. "She's been strugglin' a bit since daddy keeps drinkin' and he won't go to AA. I don't hate him or wish he was dead but he can't seem to keep it together."

 

 

  
"You know that I get how it is to have a parent that never puts you first. I mean fuck we're lucky we have someone to take care of us y'know? It ain't exactly the most ideal thing to have your stubborn older sister be your parent..but it's better than nothing."

 

 

  
"I know."

 

 

  
"What's your next class? I signed up for the Music Production."

 

 

Negan looked down at his sheet, "I'm taking that Mindfulness class where you do yoga, meditation and all that jazz. It was that or take that fucking pottery class again and we both know how that went."

 

 

 

"That bowl you made was ugly as hell."

 

 

 

"Hey! I tried my goddamn best with that."

 

 

 

"Well I hate to break it ya but it sucked ass." Beth slapped her knee like she just told the most hilarious joke in the world.

 

 

 

"You're such a fucking loser." Negan snorted.

 

 

 

"So are you but that's why we're best friends."

 

* * *

 

 

 Taking the  class wasn't the most ideal thing mainly because Negan had a hard time relaxing but what made it worse was Rick was also in the class. The second he walked through the doors he saw Rick on his mat, his curls were everywhere and he had a smile on his face. That was until they made eye contact, which is when he looked like he could snap his neck like a twig.

 

 

  
Negan gulped then sat on the only mat available which was behind Rick, at least he'd get a good view of his ass. "Howdy there partner."

 

 

  
"Don't talk to me, Negan." Rick bit back, when he turned around his stunning baby blues were in the most intense glare possible.

 

 

  
"It's fine if you don't wanna talk baby."

 

 

  
"Stop callin' me baby, don't call me any of those pet names that you used to. Like 'Blue Eyes', darling, gorgeous - "

 

 

  
"Don't forget sexy."

 

 

  
Rick's face went extremely red and he shot a middle finger back. "Fuck you."

 

 

  
"Alright class settle down!" The teacher called out from her mat. "If some of you don't remember me then I'll have to reintroduce myself. I'm Ms. Petelier and I'll be your Mindfulness class teacher for this semester. This class will mostly be one where we learn about the subconscious mind, chakras, auras and we'll also be doing a lot of meditation as well as yoga. Any questions?"

 

 

  
The class was relatively silent so the teacher continued on and got them to do a couple of stretches on the mat. Negan was happy no one else was behind him so they wouldn't have to see him staring at Rick's ass the whole time.

 

 

 

"Alright now get up and lean forward so you get that nice stretch for your back."

 

 

 

Negan paid close attention to the way Rick was bending over, he couldn't deny his mind was going to very dirty places. Especially since he'd gotten Rick in that position more than once or twice. "Nice ass."

 

 

  
"This is borderline harassment y'know." Rick whispered back. "Find someone else to stare at."

 

 

 

"Oh please this is far from that."

 

 

 

During the whole class they went back and forth surprisingly without Ms Petelier hearing them. Despite how Rick was basically wanting him to leave him the fuck alone, it was still nice to be able to talk.

 

When they broke up it sent Negan into a whirlwind of emotions because he was the reason they ended. And if he had kept his dick to himself then there wouldn't have been a fucking problem. No one would have gotten hurt and they'd probably still be together right now, enjoying the first day of senior year together. But that wasn't the reality of the situation, not even in the slightest.

 

 

  
The end of the day came a lot quicker than he really anticipated which meant he could go home and relax in his bed. His dad couldn't pick him up since he was at work but his house was relatively close by so Negan just walked.

 

 

  
Negan pressed the home button of his iPod only to be greeted with the wallpaper he'd been meaning to change; a picture of him and Rick. They looked happy as clams and Rick was kissing his cheek.

 

 

He went to his Music then put it on Shuffle.

 

 

  
As if his day could get any worse, one of the songs that Rick used to make them listen to came on. He'd always say the chorus was specifically for Negan when he'd feel like he wasn't special.

 

 

  
_You're a shining star_

_No matter who you are_

_Shining bright to see_

_What you can truly be_

* * *

 

"Then he had the audacity to keep talkin' to me like we're cool.." Rick took a stupidly large sip of Michonne's Slurpee and ended up with minor brain freeze. "..like he didn't break my heart."

 

 

  
Michonne parked her car outside of Rick's house. "Do you really want to get over him?"

 

 

  
"Of course I do."

 

 

  
"C'mon we both know you miss him, if you didn't then none of this would even affect you. Unless it's something else entirely..whatever it is you need to figure it out. I'll be there for you like I always am but eventually you have to face it."

 

 

  
Deep down Rick knew that he wasn't just obsessing over everything everything that happened today for no reason. The fact of the matter was that he did miss Negan but he really didn't want to, that was the damn problem. When you really miss someone it aches inside your chest, makes you feel so helpless if it's complicated. And right now that was all he could say about his..situation.

 

 

 

Rick smiled at Michonne who smiled right back, flashing her stunningly white teeth. "What would I do without you?"

 

 

  
"Go around in circles and never deal with your problems is one thing. Also you'd be lost without my amazing fashion suggestions."

 

 

  
"Please, I know how to dress."

 

 

They exchanged a look before Rick got out of the vehicle and waved goodbye to Michonne who zoomed off a little fast for his liking. When he got through the door he could hear noises coming from the living room, they sounded like they could be on the TV.

 

 

His face went from curious to horrified when he saw his mother making out with her girlfriend on the couch, the very couch he loved to sit on. At least they weren't doing any too intense but it was awkward to see his mom like that.

 

 

  
"Mom!" Rick called out from where he was standing. "Oh my god."

 

 

  
"Oh Ricky, this just gets you back for that time you almost did the hanky panky with that Negan on this couch."

 

 

  
Rick was even more horrified that she would bring that up. "I'm goin' to my room."

 

 

  
"You don't have to worry bout' dinner tonight! We're orderin' Chinese from that restaurant that you love."

 

 

  
At least one good thing was going to happen today, Rick thought to himself once he closed the door to his room. 

 


	3. Fright Night

The plan to make Negan as jealous as possible was falling into place.

 

 

Not only was his costume the exact thing that Negan would find appealing but it didn't take that long to get someone to dance with him at the Halloween Bash.

 

 

  
Rick moved his hips as sexy as he could with Aaron who seemed to be enjoying his confidence (more like enjoying how he was grinding against him.) He kept looking over at the punch table where Negan was staring at him with jealous eyes. And most likely sipping more than just punch from his red plastic cup.

 

 

  
"I'm surprised you asked me to dance." Aaron smirked then put his hands on Rick's hips. "By the way your costume is really good."

 

 

  
"Thanks Aaron and why were you surprised?"

 

 

  
"Well I mean it's no secret that you were dating one of the most popular guys in our school..."

 

 

  
Rick didn't really know what he was supposed to be but he had on a leather jacket, a white t-shirt, grey jeans and combat boots. And the finishing touch was a baseball bat with barb wire. "I'm single now."

 

* * *

 

 

**3 hrs earlier**

 

 

"C'mon now Ricky! Pick up the pace, we want to make sure these decorations are perfect!"

 

 

"Mom." Rick groaned. "I didn't even wanna go to this stupid dance tonight."

 

 

"You need to get out, have some fun with your pals and not think of Negan tonight."

 

 

The fact that it was really obvious to his own mother that he was still a heartbroken mess was pathetic. What the hell did he have to do to not make it obvious? Date a shit load of guys until it looks moving on? There was really no winning in a situation like this so Rick just shrugged at the comment and continued decorating one half of the gym. He didn't even volunteer for himself, his mom told the principal that she would lead in terms of decorations. Not only was she apart of the PFLAG group in their town but she was also on the PTA. It happened to be the place she met her new girlfriend that would be bringing the majority of the baked goods.

 

 

  
Rick admired the work that had already been done within the first hour of decorating. His mom always did have a knack for making things look well thought out, sort of like how their place wasn't out of place.

 

 

  
And he knew that his mom meant well when she said that he had to get out of the house instead of sulking at home. Rick just didn't want to deal with possibility of Negan coming to the dance. Over a month of telling him off didn't make the situation any less painful. He still thought of how it felt to be with Negan, how his tongue tasted, how his touch was perfect and not in the cliche way. They were good together but the trust was dead so how could anything good come of that?

 

 

  
A bump against his shoulder jolted him out of his thoughts, it was Michonne who decided to help out even though she hadn't volunteered originally. So far everyone in their group had kept it a secret what they were coming as. But he knew that Michonne and Andrea were doing couple costumes.

 

 

  
"Are you gonna tell me your couple costume yet?" Rick quirked an eyebrow.

 

 

  
Michonne shook her head, "You'll just have to wait and see."

 

 

  
"That ain't even fair, Daryl and Jesus won't tell me their costumes either. Neither will Rosita and Tara."

 

 

  
"Apparently Rosita wanted them to go as something relatively scary."

 

 

Rick was trying his hardest not to text Negan and ask him what he would be going as, just so he could avoid him at all costs. But it wouldn't come across that way because Negan was relentless. So any sign of them getting back together would make him even more so determined.

 

 

  
He shoved his phone deep into his jean pocket before continuing his conversation with Michonne who noticed.

 

 

  
"Are you seriously pretending that you weren't about to text Negan?" Michonne sighed. "I know you."

 

  
"It's stupid but my costume is probably somethin' he would wear so I don't know if I can pull it off."

 

 

  
Michonne's dark eyes looked at him curiously, "What is it?"

 

 

  
"I guess you'll just have to see tonight."

 

 

  
"Oh c'mon you can show me whatever it is and I promise I'll be supportive even if its really tacky."

 

 

  
"Fine." Rick hated giving in so easily, it was something he needed to work on apparently. He led her over to the bag of clothes that he brought with him so he wouldn't have to go all the way home to change. "Look inside."

 

 

 

She opened the bag just enough to peak at what was inside of it and her eyes went wide. "This is so..."

 

 

 

"Lame. Pathetic. Too much like Negan?"

 

 

 

"That last part is right but the rest of it no, that costume is gonna look really interesting on you. It's definitely a shift in terms of fashion decisions..though I have one question. Who are you supposed to be?"

 

 

  
"I don't really know." Rick squinted. "The opposite of me, I guess."

* * *

 

 

All the people in his group were surprised when they saw Rick in his costume. Though he had to admit that no one really disappointed in terms of creativity, Rosita and Tara were dressed as vampire lovers, Daryl and Jesus dressed as zombies, then Michonne and Andrea were dressed as 'bad ass apocalypse warriors."

 

 

  
Daryl was the first to ask him what the hell his costume was, "Why you dressed like that?"

 

 

 

"It's my costume, obviously."

 

 

 

"We know dude but what are you supposed to be exactly? I guess who are you supposed to be is the question?" Tara asked.

 

 

 

Rick looked at his own costume that probably seemed ridiculous to everyone else but he actually liked it. Instead of coming as what everyone else would expect of him he went as something totally different. He went outside the box.

 

 

  
"I guess I'm dressed as an asshole who likes bashing in skulls."

 

 

 

"So, Negan?" Rosita snickered under her breath.

 

 

 

"Ha-ha that's super hilarious."

 

 

  
For some reason the school was able to find a decent person to DJ, Beth Greene. She actually wasn't that bad and was an aspiring singer/song writer, not to mention Negan's best friend.

 

 

  
Rick kept waiting for something really stupid to happen because it always did and that was just how his life went. But so far he was actually enjoying his time with Aaron who didn't seem to have any drama. At least for the first twenty minutes of dancing with him he didn't, it turned out that Aaron was also trying to get over an ex who just had to stroll in. He wasted absolutely no time ditching Rick to go speak to the person that he was apparently didn't want to get back together with.

 

 

  
Thankfully the punch was spiked.

 

 

  
Even though vodka wasn't his first choice he still chugged down at least two full cups of spiked punch then made his way to the dance floor again. This time a song that he didn't want to dance to was starting to play.

 

 

  
_Who's gonna rock you_

_When the sun won't let you sleep_

_Who's waking up to drive you home?_

_When you're drunk and all alone_

 

  
Rick felt that pang in his heart again just thinking about the lyrics, how they hit a little too close to home. They made him feel exposed. Almost a little too naked in a way.

 

 

  
"You don't miss me at all, do ya?" Negan appeared beside him wearing a Marshall Lee costume. "Oh by the way do ya like my costume?"

 

 

 

"Why did you go as Marshall Lee?"

 

 

"We used to watch Adventure Time together a lot and I almost hoped you'd go as Prince Bubblegum." Negan winked. "That woulda been fucking hilarious."

 

 

  
"Do you need somethin' from me? And I mean besides my ass, my dick or any part of my body."

 

 

 

Negan leaned in close enough to make anyone uncomfortable. "Mmm, Rick. I just love when you get sassy as fuck and even though I'd love to have my hands on you again..I didn't come over here for that."

 

 

  
"I'm surprised." Rick responded.

 

 

"But y'know if you wanna go sneak off to the bathroom with me and do a little freaky deaky, I won't mind."

 

 

 

"You see that's your goddamn problem, you always gotta make everythin' into a damn joke. I wore this costume 'cause I wanted to prove somethin'..maybe to myself or maybe to you but I feel good."

 

 

 

Negans face softened, "Rick, you don't need to prove jack shit to anybody, not even me. The outfit looks actually pretty hot on you and the bat is really fucking cool."

 

 

 

On the inside Rick felt like he was melting, crashing or whatever the hell he was feeling. He almost lost his grip on everything until he realized that a few sweet words wouldn't make a difference. This wouldn't bring them back to where they were, this wouldn't fix them or the damage that Negan left behind.

 

 

  
"I'm gonna go and I don't know.. I'm just -"

 

 

  
Rick rushed away from the very person he was attempting to avoid tonight, only to end up hanging out with him no matter how brief. He apparently couldn't catch a fucking break or find a moment where Negan didn't ruin shit. And no, blaming Negan for every single problem he had was unhealthy but it was easy to do. No one seemed to notice that he ran all the way to the bathroom alone.

 

 

  
Without even thinking about it he ran inside and leaned against the other side of the door. "Fucking, Negan."

 

 

 

"Having a rough night?" A voice asked from across the way. "That's exactly why I came in here."

 

 

 

"Oh um, I'm sorry."

 

 

  
The person shook their head then stepped forward revealing themselves and they were definitely a looker. Whoever it was had short dark curls, glistening brown skin and a really funky looking outfit on. "If you're wonderin' who the hell I'm supposed to be it's Hakeem from Empire."

 

 

  
Rick chuckled and realized that he must have left his bat somewhere. "It's a clever costume."

 

 

 

"Yeah, well I couldn't figure out who else to be. I only came to avoid some shit but that didn't seem to work 'cause I'm in the school bathroom with you."

 

 

 

"My name's Rick, whats your name?"

 

 

 

"It's James but people who know me well call me J."

 

 

 

Rick spent over ten minutes talking about random shit with James who was intriguing and very charming to say the least. They were soon standing pretty close together and maybe it was the small amount of booze in his system but Rick purposefully touched his hand. His intuition was telling him that James wasn't straight, that maybe he was into guys and it wouldn't be weird for him to make a drunken move. As he leaned to the side to face him Rick noticed that James was doing the same thing. The kiss was far from regular, he even felt himself pulling at James' full bottom lip, causing them both to groan into the kiss.

 

 

  
Maybe kissing a random person in the school rest room was really corny or stupid but Rick needed that tonight. He needed to know what it felt like to genuinely lose himself in a random moment. And he was definitely enjoying it to the fullest. Soon warm hands were slipping inside his leather jacket and he gasped at the touch but knew it was time to pull away.

 

 

  
He broke free from the extremely enticing kiss and started laughing to himself. "Wow that was really nice."

 

 

 

"I thought so too but hey I think we should both get back. It was nice meetin' you for the first time, Rick."

 

 

 

Rick nodded then waited until James left the bathroom, "Fuck."

 


	4. Blast from the Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Beth sings is Since You've Been Around-Rosie Thomas.

Rick lightly smacked his face on the cafeteria table, "I embarrassed myself."

 

 

  
"C'mon it really couldn't have been that bad." Andrea piped in after taking a huge bite out of her turkey sandwich.

 

 

 

"Trust me when I say that it was, he told me that he wasn't interested in dating anyone right now. Not only that but he said that he wouldn't be my rebound."

 

 

  
Everyone at the table looked elsewhere and completely avoided eye contact with Rick which told him something very specific.

 

 

  
Ricks eyes widened, "Am I reboundin'? None of ya'll will say anythin' so you must think so."

 

 

  
"We just know that you're not over Negan yet and you haven't really tried to be over him. It's hard when you still love someone so much to the point where you know you can't stop -"

 

 

  
"I have stopped."

 

 

  
Michonne put her hand on Ricks shoulder in that comforting way that she always did, "No you haven't stopped. Sooner or later you'll have to face him to either make things right or be serious when you say you're moving on with your life."

 

 

* * *

 

 

_The blindfold was starting to agitate him because what could be so fantastic that Negan wouldn't just let him see it right away. A date shouldn't be this nerve wracking or should it? Rick had only ever been in a relationship with Shane so he wasn't exactly the most experienced in the dating department. They had only been dating for three months now and since they didn't have a lot of money between them going on fancy dates wasn't in the cards. Negan helped him out of the car then led him onto what was clearly the sidewalk. He didn't know what his plan was but it seemed thought out._

  
_Rick wanted to pull the blindfold off but refrained since Negan had insisted that he keep it on. And when the other boy insisted it meant that whatever the hell was meant something to him. Once he was led towards a chair and was gently set down on it he felt nervous. Where the hell was he?_

 

_Warm breath was against his ear that sent shivers up his spine, "Take off your blindfold."_

 

_He listened and let the black cloth fall into his lap then once his eyes adjusted again he saw that he was in a coffee shop. Beth was on the stage with her guitar and waved at him with a genuine smile on her face. She looked at Negan who just nodded at her then she began strumming a tune that Rick had never heard before._

 

  
_"Let's dance, Rick." Negan held his hand out. "I won't fucking bite, not unless you ask me to."_

 

  
_"Okay."_

 

_With another nod from Negan he watched as Beth began to sing into the microphone:_

 

_I'm wandering_

  
_I'm crawling_

  
_I'm two steps away from falling_

  
_I just can't seem to get around_

  
_I'm heavy_

  
_I'm weary_

  
_I'm not thinking clearly_

  
_I just can't seem to find solid ground_

  
_Since you've been around_  


 

  
_Rick was so scared of doing the wrong thing when it to came to Negan, they still hadn't had sex because he wasn't ready for it. And from what he understood of Negan he was far from a virgin. He held onto the other boy who had a lot of confidence with slow dancing. They swayed to Beth's lovely singing and the delicate strum of her guitar. The acoustics in the coffee shop were glorious in Ricks opinion._

 

  
_The only sounds he could hear aside from Beths voice was how heavy Negan was breathing against his neck. It almost seemed like he just as nervous, if not more when it came to this date like he wanted it to be perfect._

 

_I'm foolish and crazy_

_I just think that maybe_

_I've got a lot of things to figure out_

_I'm winning_

_I'm losing_

_I'm afraid of never choosing_

_This heart of mine was so beaten down_

_Before you came around_

 

  
_"Is this too fucking tacky or what? I mean I know that Beth's good but if this wasn't your thing just say so." Negan murmured._

 

_"No. You went out of your way to make this special for me, no one else woulda done this."_

 

  
_Negan shrugged like it was nothing, "Not like I took you out somewhere nice or bought you flowers or some shit."_

 

  
_"That woulda been nice but that's also cliche don't ya think? The things that make dates special have got nothin' to do with fancy dinners and overpriced flowers."_

 

  
_"What makes a date special to you?"_

 

_Rick laughed softly, "Somethin' that's different, not like what everyone else would expect. And sure I don't see anythin' wrong in fancy dates, gifts or gestures but what you've done for me tonight is...I'll remember this always."_

 

* * *

 

 

  
Walking down the hallway at the end of the day was sometimes a gong show because people were so careless. Most times Rick would have his books knocked out of his hand and no one would help him. Today was no different compared the other ones so far, he made it to his locker so he could put away what he didn't need. Until he saw the most unlikely person standing behind his locker door. Shane.

 

 

  
For a second his heart dropped into his stomach and breathing was difficult like he was about to have a panic attack. One part of him wanted to bolt in the other fucking direction because Shane had no right to speak to him now. Not after what happened between them. That was another heartbreak that Rick didn't need to revisit, especially not after Negan hurt him so damn badly.

 

 

  
They were basically at a stand off but every time Rick tried to get past Shane he just blocked his way. Eventually he got tired of the playfulness of the whole situation since they hadn't talked since the break up. All Rick wanted to know was what he actually wanted from him after all this time.

 

 

  
Shane made the first move, "Hey."

 

 

  
"What do you want, Shane? After all this time you wanna talk to me now?"

 

 

  
"Yeah actually I do. Is that gon' be a problem for you?" Shanes lips curved into a charming smile, that same smile that got him out of a lot of trouble.

 

 

  
Rick maintained his composure, "Maybe it will, I mean you dumped me 'cause you're too scared of what everyone thinks of you."

 

 

  
"You gotta understand my situation..how delicate it was."

 

 

  
"Why should I have to understand that now? You made it clear you didn't want to be my boyfriend or my best friend anymore for that matter. After years of me puttin' up with your bullshit."

 

 

  
"Man, I get it." Shane tried to assure him. "Can you please let me get a damn word in?"

 

 

 

"Go ahead but I can't guarantee I'll give a shit."

 

 

  
"The truth is I have missed ya and I wanted to give it another shot but you were so busy with that asshole in the leather jacket. I've waited a little too long, I'll admit to that shit but I'm here now. "

 

 

Rick couldn't believe what he was hearing right now at fucking all, first he's got his one ex still trying to get his attention even after breaking his damn heart. Then he's got his other ex who didn't want to come out so he broke up with him. What type of luck was he having this year? None that was the damn answer. This had to be some joke.

 

 

"So lemme get this straight? You're basically coming back 'cause you ain't got nobody else to screw? All those girls you fuck around with don't want you anymore so you're gonna come back to me? I'm too broken hearted for this bullshit so move outta my way."

 

 

  
"We don't have to be nothin' serious, Rick." Shane leaned his forehead against Rick's. "I just want you back in my life."

 

 

  
"I'll think about it."

 

 

  
Shane just nodded once, "My number's still the same so if you wanna meet up just text me."

 

 

  
What the hell was he getting himself into?

 


	5. Jealousy Is a Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. the lyrics that Beth was singing in this chapter were some that i wrote myself.

After several days of contemplating whether or not he was still in reality Rick finally texted Shane to meet up. The moment after sending the text he began picturing all the ways it go could wrong, all the shit that Shane did to him and it was just racking his brain. What the hell could he possibly gain from allowing his asshole ex back into his life? They hadn't been best friends for a long time so were they starting from scratch? Or would it just be a fresh relationship?

 

 

Rick reached for whatever pillow was closest on his bed and shoved it over his face. Maybe the lack of oxygen would knock some sense into him or something. A rhythmic knocking against his door startled him out of his stupid thinking process.

 

 

  
When he didn't respond the first time he heard his mom loud and clear from the other side. "Ricky, if you're doin' somethin' that I shouldn't see please cover yourself."

 

 

 

"Mom!" Rick shrieked. "This ain't the time."

 

 

 

"You sound like you need me Ricky. Are you okay?"

 

 

Lying to his mom always ended in complete failure so he decided to be honest and responded with a very bleak 'no' which is when she opened the door. Rick was grateful he hadn't been jerking off. He stared at his mom who looked completely defeated when she saw a picture of Negan on his nightstand.

 

 

 

"Why do you wanna torture yourself so bad lookin' at that boy all the time before you sleep?"

 

 

  
Rick's eyes went wide then he slapped the picture face down, "It was hidden for a while."

 

 

  
"Listen sweetheart, that PFLAG dance I'm helpin' organize will be a great place for you to meet someone new and -"

 

 

  
"I'm talkin' to Shane again."

 

 

  
Leah's face went from solemn to overly excited, "Oh my gravy! I hoped you two would get back together!"

 

 

  
"No no we're just talkin' again is all." Rick explained.

 

 

 

"Whatever you say honey! You should bring him as your date to the dance, wouldn't that be a hoot ?"

 

 

  
And for once in his life Rick really regretted telling his mom something.

 

* * *

 

 

Negan chowed down on his sweet chili chicken bites while Beth strummed her guitar, singing the lyrics to her new song that she was calling "Heart breaker."

 

 

_My hearts about to expire_

_Just 'cause you're a liar_

_And I wish I could let you go_

_I just want you to know_

 

  
_You got my heart bleedin' out_

_I know what you're about_

_You're a fuckin' heart breaker_

_A heart breaker_

_Just runnin' me down_

_You're always runnin' me down_

 

  
"Do ya like it so far? It ain't finished but I do wanna perform this somewhere, maybe at one of the talent shows."

 

 

  
Negan smiled warmly at his best friend then nodded, "That song is fucking great, Beth. I probably shouldn't contribute to it given I'm the one who breaks hearts around here, not you."

 

 

  
"You need to stop sayin' shit like that! Rick still loves you but you gotta understand why he won't talk to you. I already told you that it was an asshole thing what you did and this apart of the repercussions."

 

 

  
"Since when did you get so goddamn wise?"

 

 

  
"I've always been wise, you've always been stupid." Beth winked then swiped one of the chicken bites from the container. "These are good."

 

 

  
Negan fake scowled in her direction, "Why didn't you get your own? You always do this shit."

 

 

"I didn't think I wanted more food."

 

 

"Asshole." Negan murmured.

 

 

  
"Bitch." Beth retorted.

 

 

  
Negan laid back on his bed then pulled his phone out of his pocket. "Do you wanna order some food?"

 

 

 

"May as well. Oh and are we goin' to that PFLAG dance?"

 

 

 

"You actually wanna go with me? My dad's apart of the group now and oh my fucking god."

 

 

 

Beth shook his shoulder, "What's wrong?"

 

 

  
"I just remembered that Rick's mom is apart of the PFLAG group."

 

* * *

 

 

"Maybe we're movin' too fast y'know." Rick managed to get out in between Shane kissing him.

 

  
"You sure? So you're tellin' me that you don't like when I do this?" Shanes hand found its way down to the front of Ricks jeans, roughly stroking the growing bulge.

 

  
As much as Rick didn't want to think about his hazel eyed ex that was the one thing on his mind, until he pushed the thoughts so far back and started kissing Shane hard. His own hand traveled straight to Shanes jeans, his dick was rock hard. And it was surprising to Rick that he wasn't running for the damn hills. They pulled away for a brief second and Shane looked into his eyes, a bit startled but still clearly turned on.

 

  
Shane rubbed the back of his shaved head, "I forgot to tell ya that I've hooked up with a few guys at school."

 

 

"So you've accepted that you're bi?"

 

 

"Yeah, I have and I even came out to my mom."

 

 

  
"How'd that go?" Rick asked, he moved closer towards Shane who looked nervous even admitting that. "Did she freak out?"

 

 

  
"At first she was in shock but then she got over it."

 

 

  
A wave of pride (more specifically gay pride) went through Rick and he ended up pulling Shane in for a hug. Instead of Shane struggling against the intimacy he savored in it, allowing circles to be rubbed into his back.

 

 

 

"Go to the PFLAG fundraiser dance with me."

 

 

 

Shane smirked, "Okay."

 

* * *

 

 

As if going to the dance wasn't already a nightmare enough what with Ricks mom being there but now Negan had to watch Rick bring Shane to the dance. And it was so fucking juvenile to be pissed about it because he fucked it up, but was there really no chance they could rekindle? All the feelings that were already there prior were just growing everyday so that made it worse.

 

  
Meanwhile beside him was Beth freaking out over how good the decorations were, how she was excited to have a night out like this. And how dressing up as bad ass rock stars was a bonus. Negan couldn't really deny that he felt comfortable in his tight black jeans, white t-shirt, leather jacket and boots. This was pretty much what he wore regularly so it wasn't that big of a fucking stretch. For the first twenty minutes of arriving there he tried his best to avoid his father and his partners but failed.

 

  
"Hey son." Ken exclaimed, his arms were around both his partners. "I know you've met them already but Beth hasn't. I'd like you to meet Caroline and James, my partners."

 

  
Beth shook both their hands, "Nice to meet you! Y'know Negan's mentioned y'all a couple times."

 

  
"I sure hope they were good things." Caroline teased.

 

 

  
Negan forced himself to laugh at the joke, "They totally weren't..just kidding."

 

 

  
"Your son is so vibrant, he's got an interestin' energy to him."

 

 

  
After what was seemingly an awkward conversation his dad finally gave him and Beth a break then walked off to the dance floor. Which is where they were grinding all over each other causing Beth to start cackling.

 

 

  
"Don't be so angry, Negan. Your dad is happy which quite frankly he deserves that much havin' to put up with you. Sometimes you're too hard on him for things he can't exactly change and that needs to stop. Let him be happy in his relationship with those two." Beth's blue eyes bore into him.

 

  
"Fine fine I'll fucking let him be happy but I really don't wanna witness a bump n' grind between those three. I'd rather have my dick bitten through my goddamn jeans just Dwight. Which by the way what the fuck happened after?"

 

  
Beth started laughing hard again, "Well Eugene got in trouble obviously but Dwight and the dick brigade we're tryin' to beat the shit outta him for no reason. So that's why Eugene bit his dick."

 

  
"I wish I was fucking there for that shit."

 

  
"Ha-ha it was... okay don't look to your left." Beth warned. "I know sayin' that makes it hard not to but Rick is dancing with Shane and I'm almost certain he's tryin' to make you jealous."

 

 

"Whats he doing exactly?" Negan asked hesitantly.

 

 

  
"He's movin' in a real sexual manner against Shane and he keeps lookin' over here."

 

 

  
"That's fucking it! I've had it with him trying to make me fucking jealous all the goddamn time. Help find someone for me to grind on so I can make him feel like shit."

 

 

  
Beth put her face into her hands for a second then looked up. "This is so unhealthy on both your ends but I'll help you 'cause I love you."

 

 

  
"Yes! Now that's the fucking spirit! Oh look they're playing the perfect fucking song right now. He used to tell me this song reminded him of me."

 

  
"Personal Jesus?" Beth cocked an eyebrow.

 

  
"I made him scream the name enough didn't I?"

 

  
"You're so nasty, okay let's go. Maybe I'll dance with someone myself, there's this girl that's be eyein' me across the way."

 

  
Negan held his hand up to stop her, "You're into girls now?"

 

  
"I've been questioning for a while but I'm gonna see how I feel. Now take your pick between the androgynous guy over there or the girl that keeps purposefully shakin' her ass. We ain't got time to waste."

 

  
They both separated and Beth went to talk to the girl that was definitely checking her out and Negan decided to talk to the girl who practically dragged him to the dance floor. She really wasn't his type for one thing but she'd have to do. The song was midway already so he started moving the beat, resting his hands on the girls hips, she was moving a little too crazy against him. Negan could tell she just liked the attention no matter who she was getting it from.

 

 

  
Negan saw right away that Rick was getting a bit desperate to piss him off so he twisted the girl around to kiss her. While he didn't enjoy the kiss he really wanted to make Rick feel that pain in his fucking gut. And it really did work because Rick was staring at them. The second he ripped his lips away he saw how thrilled the girl was.

 

 

  
"Thanks for dancing with me but truthfully I was tryin' to make my ex girlfriend jealous and it worked 'cause now she's headed this way."

 

 

  
He went wide eyed once he was left standing there then became even more startled when he saw Beth making out with the girl she was dancing with. Maybe this was the universes way of telling him to stop trying to one up Rick. Or maybe this was a sign that he really did deserve this shit.

 

 

Trying to make your ex hurt because they hurt you was a classic move that often times ended in disaster. And in this case it just made Rick feel like shit because he still wanted Negan. If this was just about revenge so he could finally let go then it would be different. But the whole purpose of him dancing the way he had been with Shane was to make Negan jealous.

 

 

  
Rick of course was enjoying his reunion with his former ex best friend though he didn't want him thinking this meant they were getting back together. For that to even happen a lot of things would need to occur. More specifically him being over Negan.

 

 

  
For some impulsive reason he told Shane he'd be right back, that he needed to get something to drink, then headed towards Negan. Who happened to be standing there looking lost. His heart stopped when they were in front of each other, Rick decided to speak first.

 

 

  
"So I see you were tryin' to make me jealous earlier." Rick folded his arms across his chest.

 

 

  
"I see it fucking worked since why else would you walk over here with a strut just to say that shit? You just love playing whack-a-fucking-mole with my heart don't you?"

 

 

  
"No! You're the one who likes to play games, Negan. Unless you've forgotten all the shit you've done."

 

 

  
Negan stepped closer towards Rick who didn't seem to be backing down for once, "Oh fuck off with that repetitiveness. I already feel like shit enough so I don't need you saying how shitty of a person I am."

 

 

What possessed Negan to plant his lips against Rick's was something he couldn't figure out, maybe it was just all the emotions floating in the air between them. Judging by the way Rick was kissing him back he actually wanted the same thing. His hands gripped tight in Rick's chestnut curls that were all over the place. And just as quick as it started it ended because Rick pushed him off angrily.

 

 

  
"Fuck you, Negan." Ricks eyes were tear filled before he walked away.

 

 

  
Negan just stood there and saw Beth walking back towards him with her hair all tousled. And he smiled at her because she got a good make out session in clearly. It was either her intuition was crazy accurate or she witnessed everything but she forced him into a hug. They stood there together swaying to the music while Negan let a few tears drop.


	6. You Do You, I'll Do Me

Since Rick didn't want his mom to hear him having sex he shoved his face into his thick red comforter, meanwhile Shane was thrusting into him from behind. All that Rick wanted to do was forget that kiss that happened at the dance. Why he even let himself give into Negan like that was confusing, he wanted to let go and that wasn't helping his case. He obviously was attracted to Shane still but their dynamics were different. There was still some part of Rick that didn't really trust him.

 

  
  
Rick felt his ass being squeezed causing him to moan in the sheets. He never even realized how good Shane would actually be in bed since they never got the chance to have sex before. Each thrust was making him shake and soon enough Shane was spilling inside him, Rick soon followed him and slumped down. Nothing felt all that different for some reason, maybe it was on account for the fact that Rick had already lost his virginity or just because his relationship with Shane was different.

 

 

  
"Never knew it would feel that good." Shane admitted. "You always did have a great ass."

 

 

 

Rick let out a deep chuckle, "Why thank you."

 

 

 

"I thought you wanted to take it slow though? This seems like the opposite of slow not that I mind it."

 

 

 

"Well lately I've been livin' in the moment."

 

 

 

  
"You've definitely changed." Shane reached for his clothing that was scattered all over the room. "Before you were more cautious..rarely ever took risks and now you seem fearless."

 

 

  
"I ain't fearless to be honest, I'm scared of a lot of things..a lot more than you realize. You gonna spend the night?"

 

 

 

Shane was partially dressed, the only thing he was missing was his shirt. "Nah I'm gonna head back home."

 

 

 

"Oh, okay I guess I'll see you tomorrow right?"

 

 

 

"Yeah. Have a good night Rick."

 

 

* * *

 

 

During his art class that Michonne was taking as well they talked about what happened between him and Shane. She was never really a fan of him back when they were dating so Michonne just nodded in response.

 

 

  
"Can you tell me what you really think instead of nodding?" Rick dipped his paintbrush in the black acrylic paint, swirling it around.

 

 

 

Michonne stopped what she was doing, "I think you're trying to get over Negan the wrong way. Why do you think Shane didn't stay the night with you after you had sex for the first time?"

 

 

  
"He - he was tired that's all."

 

 

 

"No. He couldn't handle the intimacy that can come afterwards and you would think with your history he'd want to open up more..say more than how good the sex was. Both of you are using each other in different ways. And I don't like that you're allowing him to just to what? Forget Negan? You have to admit that the kiss meant something."

 

 

  
Out of everyone in their group Michonne was always the one to get through to Rick when he wasn't wanting to see things for what they were. And the truth was that he was doing whatever he could to move on. The issue was that he wasn't actually moving on, he was just piling shit on top of his feelings so he could avoid them. Rick stared down at the blank canvas and decided last minute what he wanted to do.

 

 

  
"I'm goin outside so I can throw this paint at my canvas, we'll talk more out there but can you bring some extra paint?" Rick gathered up his canvas and the black and blue paint he already had in front of him.

 

 

 

"Okay."

 

 

  
Rick headed outside and put the blank white canvas against the concrete wall. He waited until Michonne finally came out with the extra paint and also an extra paintbrush.

 

 

  
"This should be a good way to get out any frustrations that you may have." Michonne squirted the paint on the wood palette.

 

 

  
"You can join in if you want."

 

 

  
They both took turns throwing paint at the canvas, laughing and smiling while they did. Rick never usually lost himself too much when he created pieces, they were always more structured than paint splatter which was the point. He almost always got caught up in doing shit a specific way instead of just being spontaneous. When they finally finished covering almost every inch of the canvas Rick turned to look at Michonne.

 

 

 

"All those things you said before we came out here were right..you're right. It would be a lie to say that I don't feel anythin' for Shane but what I have or had with Negan is so much different. And the irrational part of me wants to just let him make it right then the rational part says to not let him."

 

 

  
Michonne squeezed his shoulder, "Things will work out the way they're meant to, I promise they will Rick. Whatever happens I'll be there with you."

  
 

* * *

 

 

Truthfully the only thing that Negan had been thinking about for the past day was that kiss at the dance.

 

 

  
What the fuck was he thinking? Them locking lips for not even a few minutes wasn't going to change a damn thing in their situation. It would likely confuse Rick more than anything because he clearly didn't want to get back together. Or he did but couldn't risk getting his heart stomped on again. But if Negan was given a second chance he wouldn't fuck it up or cheat again.

 

 

  
Negan ripped open his small bag of nacho cheese Doritos and shoveled three into his mouth.

 

 

  
"You're goin' to choke on that shit! I really don't want my best friend to die 'cause of some fuckin' chips."

 

 

 

"I don't even care." Negan said with his mouth full. "Shit's fucked."

 

 

  
"Oh my god. That's it! The other night happened for a damn reason..now you need to accept that or just fuckin' forget it even happened. I'm tired of you complaining instead of actually fixing your relationship. And don't tell me that Rick hates you 'cause the kiss proves he still wants you too."

 

 

 

"He said 'fuck you' and walked away, if anything it means that he's tired of me pulling him back in."

 

 

 

"Wouldn't you be tired if you were him? You cheated on him but didn't explain fully why it happened, he was in pain the rest of the summer over you." Beth swiped the bag of chips so he would have to listen. "Go up to him with a serious face and say that you'll do whatever it takes."

 

 

 

"What if he tells me he wants to be with Shane?"

 

 

  
Beth deeply sighed, "Then you need to respect that unless he approaches you."

 

 

  
Knowing the possibility of Rick telling him that he wanted to be with someone else would really fucking suck, but he had to take the leap. They couldn't dance around the topic forever, either he needed time or didn't want to try again ever.

 

 

  
"Let's stop discussing my shitty as fuck love life so you can tell me if you've talked to that girl you kissed at the dance. C'mon Bethy, spill your fucking secrets to me."

 

 

 

"Well you already know we exchanged numbers and we've texted since that night. She goes here so I'm gonna have a lunch date with her tomorrow, just thought I let you know that you'll be alone." Beth winked. "I know how needy you get."

 

 

 

"Oh go fuck yourself, I'm the least needy between the two of us. What about when you need me to come over just to write a new song? Or how you get me to come over when Maggies not home so you can reach the higher shelves in the kitchen."

 

 

 

Beth flipped her middle finger at him, "I'm fuckin' short you asshole."

 

 

 

"That much is obvious Bethy."

 

 

  
"I thought we discussed that you weren't gonna call me that anymore."

 

 

 

"Sorry but I get best friend privileges to call you at least one annoying nick name so hah."

 

 

 

"Whatever. Anyways what should I do on the lunch date tomorrow? Should I bring her one of my red velvet cupcakes? Or tell her bout' that fan fiction I've been workin' on?"

 

 

 

"I doubt she'll give a fuck about the m/m pairings you write for." Negan joked.

 

 

 

"You're just jealous that people actually read my shit."

 

 

 

Negan grabbed his bag back from her side of the table, "Sure. You know what I think I'm gonna go find Rick and talk to him, just to get it over with. We've got a little while until lunch time is over."

 

 

 

  
"Good idea. If it all goes pear shaped just text me, I'll be ready to face time with your cryin' ass."

 

 

 

  
"I will and fuck you I don't cry that much." Negan smirked at his best friend before running off to look for Rick. 

 

* * *

 

Running around trying to find Rick was proving to be a lot harder than Negan presumed because he could have anywhere, with anyone. The conversation would be extremely awkward if he had to pull him away from Shane or that merry band of idiots he chills with. He eventually ran into Michonne who was with her girlfriend, they both glared at him when he walked towards them.

 

 

  
Negan shoved his hands into his jean pockets, "Hey, do you know where Rick is? I need to talk to him like really fucking badly. I get that you guys hate me and I can't say I blame you but I'm trying to make shit right with him."

 

 

 

"You mean after you broke his damn heart." Andrea chimed in.

 

 

 

"He said he was going to his locker then to his next class so if you run fast enough you'll catch him." Michonne said hesitantly. "You better be serious."

 

 

  
"I've got no intention of being anything but serious, Michonne. Thanks for the info."

 

 

  
Negan headed quickly over to where Rick's locker was located and saw him standing there. His breath hitched when he noticed his white t-shirt was riding up just a little bit. He casually walked over to him and offered a small smile. "Hey."

 

 

  
"Hi, Negan."

 

 

  
"So you probably know why I'm over here." Negan ran a hand through his dark hair. "I'm fucking sorry for confusing you or making you feel like shit..it just..wasn't my intention."

 

 

  
Rick's eyes glistened, "That's hard to believe."

 

 

  
"Well it's the fucking truth and I'm just tired of hurting you so I need you to tell me what you want me to do. Is being with Shane what you really want 'cause I'm serious when I say that I still want you. I get that I've got a long way to go for you to trust me again but I'm willing to do the work. I still love you, Rick."

 

 

  
"Did you ever love me? You don't hurt people you love."

 

 

 

"That's a load of bullshit." Negan laughed humorlessly. "You can't possibly think we'll never hurt each other again."

 

 

  
"The thing is Negan, I can't go through that shit again..it hurts too damn much already."

 

 

 

"So what are you saying? That there's no goddamn chance that I can fix this?"

 

 

  
"I don't even know what I'm sayin' right now. For me to even consider...just please give me some space. I'll do me and you do you."

 

 

  
Negan adjusted his leather jacket, "Okay if you want space I'll give you that but you know where to find me if that changes."

 

 

  
The moment that Negan started walking away he immediately took his phone out to text Beth so he could update her on what was going on. His lips were quivering and since he had to get to his next class he had no time to break down.

 

 

  
_Beth: I'll meet ya after class, Negan. Hold on til then._

_Negan: okay._

_Beth: It went better than I thought it would._

 

_Negan: i guess it did._

 

* * *

 

By the end of the day Rick was caught in a whirlwind of thoughts, they were scrambling his brain and making him want to be reckless. Forgiving Negan had to be a lot harder than that..right? He met up with Shane because he said that he wanted to talk about shit. Which could only mean that he was probably regretting what happened between them.

 

 

Rick turned out to be right about why Shane wanted to talk to him. Apparently the confusion wasn't about him being attracted or even about his sexuality, it was about if them having sex was a means for distraction.

 

 

They mutually agreed that if they were meant to get back together that it would happen gradually and not forcefully. Rick felt relieved that he had Shane back in his life and that they were being honest with each other. But now it left him having to think about what Negan said today.


	7. Who Am I Without You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> normally i just update my fics on random but i decided for this one that i will pre write chapters just so this will go by quicker. 
> 
>  
> 
> if anyone has any requests for future one shots (canonverse or otherwise) leave them in the comments or in my sideblog inbox on tumblr: rickbisexualgrimes .

The month went by a lot quicker than Negan anticipated and now it was the 29th of November. Which also happened to be his birthday. The day was supposed to be spent thinking of himself, adulthood, as well as what he'd be doing later. Instead the main thing on Negans mind was how Rick's birthday was tomorrow.

 

 

He woke up to a shit load of happy birthday texts from Beth who seemed more ecstatic about his fucking birthday than he actually was. And it always happened that way because she was the motivator between them. From what the texts said she had a little party planned at her place since apparently Maggie would be out of town with Glenn. Even though it was a school night he'd still be able to get out for a bit.

 

 

Negan went downstairs to find that his father had left for work early but there were waffles on the table and a note that read:

 

  
Happy birthday son! I didn't know what you wanted for a gift so I got you a gift card and we can go out for dinner on the weekend. Love you.

 

 

The gift card was a $50 dollar for Walmart so Negan didn't really have any complaints about that. His dad did the best he fucking could which is all he could ask for.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 When he met Beth outside of the school she hugged him hard, slapped a homemade card into his hand and kissed his cheek. Negan still had no clue what he'd actually do without her as his best friend.

 

  
"It's your fuckin' birthday! Now I know it's a difficult day for a number of reasons but just put all of that on the back burner so you can at least semi enjoy your day."

 

  
"Believe me I'm trying to, so..who's invited to the party? Did you invite Rick or anyone that's close to him?" Negan looked at the blonde who just shook her head.

 

 

"No I didn't and if you don't want me to I won't. Though maybe it would be a good idea to get him to come?"

 

 

"Well neither of us can guarantee that there won't be any drama especially knowing our fucking lives. You can invite him though I highly doubt he'll even come given he wants space from me."

 

 

Beth gave him a sympathetic look, "I know you want nothin' more than for him to be with you today so I'll try my best to convince him."

 

 

"Are you gonna bring that girl you met?"

 

 

  
"Probably not since I'll be more focused on you than her." Beth shrugged.

 

 

"If you do decide to bring her last minute I won't fucking care, you know that."

 

 

And he really didn't care because Beth deserved some happiness if anything. Whether or not she successfully convinced Rick to come to the party he would try his best to have a relatively good day. He thought of how he could be alone and miserable as fuck today if things were going worse.

* * *

 

 

_"Fuck you! You fuckin' asshole! You're a fuckin' asshole!" Rick screamed between hiccuping sobs. "I can't believe you."_

  
_The music was way too damn loud in the house they were partying at but Negan could hear Rick loud and fucking clear. Negan got his clothes on as quickly as he could then ran out of the room. His heart was pounding so damn hard that he could practically hear the sound in his ears._

 

 

_Negan ran out after Rick to see if he could fix this, to see if he could explain why he just cheated on him._

 

* * *

 

 

So far the only people showing at the party were anybody but Rick and that was a disappointing factor. I mean what the hell did Negan have to do so he would actually show up? Would he have to send him a drunk text or a fucking voice mail like a desperate ex (which technically he was.)

 

 

  
Negan poured himself another shot while standing by himself in the middle of his own damn party. He had no idea where Beth was and it wasn't like he was mad at her but it felt so lonely. And without Rick showing up it made him regret even agreeing to invite him in the first place.

 

 

"So you're sittin' out here on your birthday?"

 

 

  
Negan knew whose smooth as fucking butter voice that was, "Holy shit you actually came."

 

 

  
"Yeah, I did." Rick sat in the lawn chair beside the one he was in. "At first I didn't plan on it but Michonne convinced me to."

 

 

  
"Why would she even convince you? She fucking hates me."

 

 

  
"Actually she doesn't hate you." Rick mumbled.

 

 

  
Negan offered the bottle to Rick who took at least one swig, "Wait, I thought every one in your little group hated my goddamn guts."

 

 

"Mostly all of them do..just not Michonne for some reason."

 

 

Something about that surprised him extremely, why would Michonne out of everyone not hate his ass for what he did? There was no reason for Rick to lie about that so he just had to believe it.

 

 

"Tell her thanks for convincing you to come tonight. It's heavy and I doubt you wanna fucking hear this right now but I need to tell you anyways. I hope you give me another chance no actually I need you to give me another chance. Without you nothing makes sense and I fucking love you so much. If there's a cake that I'm suppose to blow the candles out of then the only damn thing I'm gonna wish for is you."

 

 

  
The silence that was in the air made Negan too antsy especially since he was drunk as fuck and booze plus anxiousness was a bad combo. All he really wanted was for Rick to say that he felt the same, that he wanted all the same damn things. He wanted Rick to tell him that his heart was still aching.

 

 

  
Rick started to lean in from his lawn chair, "Tell me why you cheated on me..tell me why and I'll give you a chance again."

 

 

  
Before diving into the conversation Negan took a large swig of the tequila. "That night I was hit with a crippling fucking fear that you were gonna leave me..that you were gonna leave me just like my own mom did. She fucking left me and my dad one day, stole a bunch of fucking money probably for her pill habit. I haven't seen her since, no phone calls, no visits, no emails, not a damn thing."

 

 

  
"I know that can't completely excuse why I fucked that guy..."

 

 

  
Rick had a startled look on his face, "Stop talkin'."

 

 

  
"What?"

 

 

  
"I'm so sorry that I even made you tell me that..I'm sorry that I - "

 

 

Negan put his hand over Rick's, "You deserved a better explanation. A better one than I tried to give you that night."

 

* * *

 

 

_Trying to move through a thick crowd of people cooped up in a house definitely wasn't easy but with sheer will Negan did it. Once he finally caught up to an enraged Rick he dragged him into the bathroom. The house they were partying in was huge so no one was going to interrupt them._

 

  
_"It didn't mean a fucking thing to me, Rick."_

 

  
_"I hope it was."_

 

  
_Negan scrunched his eyebrows together, "What the fuck are you talking about? I just don't told you that -"_

 

_"I hope you got a good fuck outta that guy, I hope it was worth our relationship 'cause I'm done. We're fuckin' over..don't call me or talk to me ever again."_

 

_"No..no! I refuse to let this be the end of us Rick."_

 

 

_"We're over." Rick deadpanned before leaving the bathroom._

 

* * *

 

His party didn't last much longer because Beth ended up kicking everyone out after eating the ice cream cake. Negan thanked Beth for throwing him the party and thanked him for inviting Rick to the party. And then he left with Rick to go back to his house.


	8. Who Am I Without You? Pt. 2

Almost anyone would advise against getting back with Negan. The storm that might come from letting Negan back in would be catastrophic - it would wipe Rick out. But he had to see what would happen next.

 

  
They took a taxi back to his house and almost couldn't keep their hands off each other. It was still Negan's birthday and he didn't bring a gift so he'd have to improvise one. Rick definitely wasn't ready to have sex again but he had no problem with cuddling.

 

  
Rick paid the taxi driver then unlocked his front door, "My mom has her girlfriend over so I apologize if you hear anythin' that you wish you didn't have to."

 

 

"That sounds like my dad and his partners. I mean it's one thing to know that he's into kinky sex..."

 

  
"How the hell did you find that out?"

 

  
"Just the thought of it makes me wanna vomit so I would rather not get into that shit."

 

  
Rick held his hands up , "Fair enough."

 

  
Thankfully he actually cleaned his room prior to even being convinced to go to that party,otherwise Negan would see the picture of him still on the nightstand. Rick opened his bedroom door to reveal a spotless room and a clear bed. One wrong move could fuck up whatever momentum they had going so Rick was metaphorically standing still. At least until Negan made the move himself.

 

 

Rick urged for Negan to enter, "I ain't gonna kill you once you go inside."

 

 

"Now that you say that I might hesitate just a little bit more." Negan flicked his tongue between his teeth.

 

 

"Don't be a fuckin' idiot. Or well you can be an idiot for another twenty minutes until your birthday is officially over."

 

 

"Maybe instead of being an idiot I could spend the next twenty minutes kissing the hottest motherfucker around. How does that sound?"

 

 

Rick playfully fluttered his eyelashes, "Who might that be?"

 

 

"His name's Rick and he's got the prettiest fucking blue eyes along with the perkiest ass. Sorry if I'm moving too fast..I just can't believe this is actually happening."

 

 

And neither could Rick if he was supposed to answer honestly. What he imagined for his evening wasn't finally working towards trusting Negan again, let alone inviting him into his bed again.

 

 

"This guy sounds interestin'. " Rick lightly kissed Negan's shoulder. "We should move slower than this 'cause I don't think us fuckin' right now is a good idea."

 

 

"No it's a bad fucking idea so we need to just sit here and calm ourselves down."

 

 

"Right."

 

  
Impulsiveness was really running him over because one minute he was saying they couldn't sleep together and next minute he was straddling the guy. Their lips connected like they hadn't seen each other in months, then Rick started rocking into Negan. Hands were soon on his hips, gripping to them tightly, making him moan into Negan's mouth. If they let it go any further there was no coming back. There would be no do overs or pretending.

 

  
Rick opened his eyes to glance over to his clock and there was only five minutes left in his birthday. Since he had no intentions of turning back now he slipped off his t-shirt then reached for Negans belt. The other boys hazel eyes were half lidded, his breath was hitching as Rick unbuckled his belt and took it out of the loop.

 

  
Things seemed to be unraveling and either they were both too tipsy to really give a fuck about this decision or it was meant to go this way. Rick was flipped back onto his bed while Negan crawled on top of him. He started kissing him hard again until the bedroom door suddenly opened.

 

 

"Oh my gracious!" Leah gasped.

 

 

 

"Mom!"

 

 

  
Leah stared at both of them then tried to maintain a straight face, "I didn't know if you were talkin' to Negan again and I had no clue he was over."

 

 

  
"Well I didn't exactly plan to have him over tonight." Rick fingered his hands through his hair. "Is it already twelve?"

 

 

 

"Yes sweetheart, it's already twelve and it's officially your birthday. So happy birthday son, I've still got Jolene over so I can't exactly lecture you. As long as you're bein' safe, please use a - "

 

 

  
"Please don't humiliate me anymore than you have tonight." Rick groaned into his hands.

 

 

 

"Okay sweetheart but just remember that you have to wake up for school in the mornin'..both of y'all do."

 

 

 

As soon as his mom closed the door behind her Rick lifted his blankets so they could get under. There was no way in hell that he was even still remotely turned on after that. Plus his mom was right that they had to wake up so it was probably best they sleep. Rick kicked his dark wash jeans off then climbed under the covers.

 

 

  
"Maybe that was a sign that weren't supposed to sleep together again so quickly. Let's just cuddle and go to sleep, I'm tired anyways."

 

 

  
Negan just nodded back at him, "It's whatever you want Rick, oh and happy birthday."

 

 

 

His heart felt like it leapt right out of his damn chest when he heard Negan say that, he didn't think they'd get to this place. Rick told him thank you before getting under the blankets. When Negan slipped in beside him their legs intertwined like they did before. And he felt on a complete high just feeling Negan breathe beside him, feeling his warmth against his limbs. This was the best birthday gift he could actually think of.

 

* * *

 

 

  
Walking into school hand in hand with Negan was quite the sight for his best friends because Rosita charged in their direction. Her face was a look of disbelief alongside agitation that was just for Negan.

 

 

"What the fuck are you doing with him?" Rosita sneered, her hands resting on her hips.

 

 

 

The rest of the group was just standing there in shock besides Michonne and Andrea who knew already.

 

 

 

Tara swallowed hard, "So you're back together or ? I know it's your birthday dude so I won't be an asshole today."

 

 

 

"Thanks Tara, I appreciate that and no we're just takin' things slowly for now."

 

 

 

"So he's just forgiven after what he did?" Rosita twitched, her mouth was curved into a sneer. "You cried over him for how long and now this fucker just what? Gets away with it?"

 

 

 

Rick breathed in deeply, "Everyone just please respect my decision and let's just have a good day. And tell me now if you've got a surprise party planned 'cause I'm pretty sure I figured it out already."

 

 

  
"Yeah we got a party planned." Daryl admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. "They didn't wanna tell ya."

 

 

  
Collectively they all sighed at how Daryl didn't give a shit about being secretive then Rick started chuckling at his boldness. They all walked together into the school despite how there was still tension between them and Negan. Today wasn't the day to be getting into an argument over his life choices, he wanted to have a good birthday which was the bottom line. At the end of the day it was simply his decision.

 

 

 

Throughout the day Rick felt this constant flow of nervousness blended with some excitement. Not just because it was his birthday and he was finally eighteen which he still wanted to know what the big deal of that was. It wasn't like he was twenty one or anything so he couldn't really do much, legally renting porn wasn't high on his to do list. Rick kept thinking about what it would be like years from now. Would he be excited still? Would he still have Negan by his side? Do things actually change all that much as you get older? Or does it seem like they do?

 

 

 

At the moment he still felt like the same Rick he was a day ago so what was the big deal exactly? Rick was given cupcakes throughout the day from teachers and in his art class they even made him a huge card. He accepted all the small gifts gladly and planned to stuff his face at lunch.

 

 

 

When lunch time finally rolled around he was being dragged by Negan so they could eat lunch together. Since they rushed out pretty quickly in the morning due to his moms questioning about their relationship, they didn't get to pack lunches. Rick got them a few things from the vending machine but Negan revealed that they could get pizza from the cafeteria.

 

 

  
Negan got four slices of pepperoni for the both of them and they sat down with each other.

 

 

 

"When was the last time we did this together?" Rick smirked before taking a bite of one of his slices.

 

 

  
"Let's just say its been a while since I even imagined we'd eat lunch together again. I can't fucking blame you for shutting me out for the past few months like you have. All I can say really is that I'm glad we're working towards things again, Rick."

 

  
Rick wiped his mouth, "So am I."

 

 

  
What was apparently supposed to be a small party turned out to be one that was hosted at some random rich kids house. The person apparently didn't mind hosting the party for Rick and was providing them with a lot of booze. To know that his best friends were making certain he wouldn't have a shitty birthday was comforting. He had a lot of things that he could be grateful for so he planned to enjoy himself.

 

* * *

 

  
The music was pumping inside the house and people were dancing to the random selection of pop songs. Rick didn't know who was choosing the songs but they really didn't know his taste clearly. He went up to the person who happened to be taking requests and whispered into their ear. From a distance he saw Negan waiting for him but he just signaled that he'd be there in a moment.

 

 

  
Rick knew most people at the party wouldn't have a damn clue what song he just requested but he didn't care. The song was for him and Negan. He danced his way over to him just so he could make it over to Negan by the chorus.

 

  
_You're a shining star_

_No matter who you are_

_Shining bright to see_

_What you could truly be_

 

  
As he moved with Negan to the beat of the song he felt invincible like it was just them in a room full of crowded people. And wasn't that the point of being with someone? To the point where most of the time it seemed like just you and them? That's what it had been before with Negan. They would always be the only people in the room, wherever the hell they were together. Rick felt Negan's hands slip underneath his shirt, holding onto his sides, his fingers were smoothing over his skin.

 

 

  
They looked into each other's but something about it felt..different.

 

 

 

Rick's hands gripped tightly to the white t-shirt that Negan was wearing and pulled him for a soft kiss. His lips were moving so slowly against Negan's it was like time was going slowly alongside them. He truly did love him with everything he had, everything made sense with him. And he knew for certain that it was the same for Negan.

 

 

  
Of course it wasn't like the movies, the party didn't stop for them, there was no applause after they kissed, it was just them. It was just them holding onto the fresh start and them holding onto the happiness that would follow.

 

 

  
"C'mon lets go find some food to eat. I'm pretty damn hungry if you ask me." Rick swayed. "Also I think I've taken too many shots."

 

 

 

"Babe or I mean Rick..there's no such thing as - okay never mind that was just fucking stupid to say. You need to get some food into your stomach before you pass the fuck out on me. I don't want you to spend your birthday passed out in some room or singing into the white microphone."

 

 

  
"You say the stupidest shit sometimes."

 

 

  
Rick's vision wasn't too blurry but he could have sworn that Negan did some sort of lean after laughing like a damn fool. And that would undoubtedly be added onto the list of shit that he loved about his..maybe second time around boyfriend.

 

 

 

"From what I can see there's a shit load of fried food selection here. Do you want chicken wings? Crab dip with chips? Tater tots or a combination of all three?"

 

 

 

"Combo of all three. I could eat a damn horse." Rick slurred, he was holding onto Negan's arm as tightly as possible. "Don't skimp out on me."

 

 

  
He tried his hardest to pay attention fully to the quick selection of food that Negan was piling onto his paper plate but failed. Rick was a bit too tipsy to even give a fuck if Negan put the whole tray of tater tots on his plate. Which didn't sound like a terrible thing, sober or not.

 

 

"Have I ever told you that I love you? I l-love you Negan."

 

 

  
"You've told me darling and I love the hell outta you too. Now eat your food and enjoy this birthday celebration or else." Negan stuck his tongue between his teeth,again.

 

 

  
"Or else what? You'll fuck me on this table?"

 

 

  
"Rick, not in front of everyone. I mean fuck unless this is a porno all of a sudden I doubt any of this people wanna see me fuck the holy hell outta you on one of these tables. Not to mention the waste of food that would be."

 

 

  
They chuckled at the stupidity of it all then chowed down on their finger food while watching shitty dancing. And somehow Rick couldn't ask for a better birthday than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos + comments always appreciated!


	9. Oh, The Mistletoe

Hating the holidays automatically made you scrooge or some bullshit like that and Negan had absolutely no issue being called that.

 

 

Even before his mom left he never saw the fascination in Christmas carols, drinking egg nog or any of that holiday spirit nonsense. And he did have a certain gratefulness that Rick wasn't one to get all cheery either. That might be on account of his own issues as well. Which he wouldn't really know for certain since Rick never really talked about shit all that much. Since they never did get the chance to engage in super deep discussions about their childhoods it left gaps unfilled. The most that Negan knew about Rick's past was how his dad was never around.

 

 

  
Their situations were obviously differed for a number of reasons but he understood how shitty it could be to discuss that.

 

 

  
Negan sipped his lukewarm coffee while listening to Rick rant about an assortment of things. He really missed hearing that sweet as honey twang in close proximity, he missed the way Rick's fingers would graze his thumb.

 

 

  
"Did you hear a word I said?" Rick's eyes narrowed playfully.

 

 

  
"I'll be honest I didn't hear shit all 'cause I was too focused on your pretty face."

 

 

  
"Can you be serious for once in your life?"

 

 

  
"No."

 

 

  
"What the hell were talking about anyways? Was it really that fucking important or are you just being dramatic?" Negan winked at Rick who subtly flipped him off.

 

 

 

"Actually it wasn't all that serious..it was just that my mom is joining Jolene's..coven."

 

 

 

The reaction that Rick was clearly expecting was a large burst of laughter but Negan didn't even find it funny. He wasn't a judgmental person so he had no intentions of saying some immature shit about it. And plus he actually liked Rick's mom.

 

 

 

"That's cool." Negan gulped back his now cold coffee then put his mug in the sink. "Your mom is one of the coolest fucking moms around."

 

 

 

"She can be too much sometimes like she wants to know every little detail."

 

 

 

"The only reason she does that is 'cause she wants to make sure you don't retreat into yourself. We both know how fucking easy it is for you to avoid the things that are actually bothering you."

 

 

  
Rick didn't bother rejecting that comment, "You're right. I guess I'm a little hard on her."

 

 

 

"At least you realize that you can be so you can be better for next time."

 

 

"How the hell did you become so wise?" Rick comfortably leaned back into the leather couch. "Tell me the truth, are you Negans twin?"

 

 

  
"Hardy fucking har. I'm just giving you a different perspective baby and anyway don't you like new and improved me?"

 

 

  
Rick's eyes went soft for a moment and he got closer to Negan on the couch. "I don't need you to be someone entirely new, Negan."

 

 

  
"All I meant was that you need me to be more open to discuss things, more open in general and I can't...fuck..I can't go back to how I was with you before. If I did that then shit would get fucked up all over again."

 

 

  
Cheating on Rick wouldn't happen again if they were to get back together but he would ruin things somehow. That was how Negan was before during their relationship. He self sabotaged out of fear and now that he was more aware of that he was going to change. Or at least change as much as someone could without altering too much of who they were. And while he was being giving a second chance they weren't really back together yet. Negan didn't believe in bullshit fairy tales like happy endings without so much of a disaster after the fact. From what he'd been through in his life there was no such as full on happy endings, and anyone who told you otherwise was feeding you a crock of fucking bullshit.

 

 

  
The whole point of getting back together wasn't so he could be blind as a fucking bat about everything. Negan wanted to be with Rick because it was real, what they had was real and authentic. And he was aware of the fact they'd have struggles later on, that they'd experience stagnancy, that's just how things worked.

 

 

  
Negan ended up cuddling up with Rick in the living room because they were too lazy to go to his bedroom. Since his dad wasn't home they could do whatever the fuck they wanted without the questions. His dad wasn't exactly a nosy guy, more or so..concerned. Especially since he knew what happened between them before.

 

 

 

After flicking between so many damn channels they decided to vacate to Negan's room which meant a plethora of things could happen.

 

 

  
When the blue eyed boy started kissing him all logic went right out the damn window and he was left with a decision - of whether or not to take it further. They'd already been down that road once since they made up.

 

 

But something in the way Rick was ripping off his own clothing told him a different story than last time. His blue eyes were heavy with lust and when he let his grey jeans drop to the floor it revealed just how hard he was.

 

 

 

"Hot diggity dog its my lucky fucking day." Negan hollered. "You look so fuckin' sexy..like always."

 

 

 

"Do you have to be such a dork?"

 

 

  
"Yes and no which is besides the goddamn point 'cause I'm ready to swallow that dick to the point where you'll be singing hallelujah..and we both know you ain't religious."

 

 

 

Rick stroked himself through his blue boxers that were a bit tighter to his frame. "Will I now? I don't believe you."

 

 

 

"You don't - I'm fucking shocked and dismayed that you'd even say such a thing." Negan pretended to be shocked.

 

 

 

"Get over here before I change my mind."

 

 

 

Negan rushed over to Rick as quick as possible, "Your wish is my fucking command, Rick." He got down on his knees so he could feel up those pretty little bow legs that Rick had, his hands brushed over the pale legs in front of him until they reached the hardness. Not that he was never impressed by Ricks body before but damn, he looked good enough to eat. Rick's mouth was hanging open and he urged his body forward, indicating he needed to be sucked.

 

 

 

"Mmm I know what you want darling so be patient."

 

 

  
In response Rick let out a dirty whine and then a moan once Negan slid the light blue boxers down just enough to reveal his length. His hands reached around to grab at Ricks perky ass then gave it a two handed squeeze. That seemed to excite Rick even more because he moaned loudly with that action. After a few excruciating moments of teasing Negan finally gave Rick what he really wanted. He leaned his mouth forward and swallowed him all the way down to the base, to the point where spit immediately started dripping down the sides of his mouth.

 

 

  
Negan took the length out of his mouth for a second then let it enter his mouth again, bobbing his head forward, making sloppy noises with the spit. He looked up to see that Rick's baby blues were shut and he was relishing in the pleasure. Which was only motivation to make this blow job the best he'd ever give him.

 

 

  
His hands cupped his balls briefly and started deep throating like he was before but he reached around to trace his finger along the sensitive skin above his ass

 

 

 

"Oh, Negan." Rick moaned gently.

 

 

 

With only humming in response he kept bobbing his head and keeping up with the rhythm he had going on. After several minutes of sucking Rick off he ended up cumming all over Negan's face (by his request of course.)

 

 

  
"How was that baby?"

 

 

  
Rick could barely speak but managed to say something, "Good..really good."

 

 

 

"Just wait til you're sinking onto my dick again, I'll fuck you into next year..that way we'll have skipped having to graduate." Negan cracked up at his own stupid joke then went to clean up his face. Having his dad come home to him covered in Rick's spunk wasn't his idea of a good day.

 

 

  
After wiping his face off with a wash cloth dipped in warm water he went back to his room to find Rick looking at a note book full of half written lyrics for Beth. He sometimes helped her write songs or helped her finish songs.

 

 

 

"This is...wow these lyrics are..beautiful."

 

 

 

Negan shrugged nervously, "They're okay I fucking guess, nothing to write home about."

 

 

 

"Why do you always downplay the things you do, Negan?"

 

 

 

"Maybe I'm used to believing that I'm nobody that I can't possibly amount to jack shit."

 

 

 

"Stop thinkin' like that 'cause you know what I see?" Rick cupped his cheeks. "I see someone whose talented and is capable of doin' so many things in his life. You always tell me that I'm so damn special, well, so are you."

 

 

 

Negan smiled then told Rick to wait a second while he went to look for something, when he returned he was holding mistletoe. "My dad's such a geek that he bought some of this."

 

 

  
"You want me to kiss you a kiss under some mistletoe?"

 

 

 

"Yes." Negan answered simply then held the mistletoe over his head.

 

 

 

Rick planted their lips together under the mistletoe and when he pulled away he grimaced. "That was so damn tacky."

 

 

 

"Yeah, it really fucking was."


	10. Unhappy Holidays

The house was a bit overly decorated in Rick's opinion but his mom still liked putting up decoration in and outside of the house. And he respected her wishes.

 

 

But he still refused to be overly cheery about a time of year that he wasn't a big fan of.

 

 

Since his mom knew Negan's dad because of the PFLAG group she decided that it would be a good idea to invite both Negan and his father for Christmas Day. She even went out of her way to buy gifts for the both of them. Everyone on her side of the family pretty much disowned her because shes dating a woman so they didn't have many people to feed.

 

 

Normally every year Rick helped her make dinner but this year he prepared mostly everything, even the turkey. Rick opened the oven to check on the turkey and the rest of the fixings which so far they looked delicious. When he heard the doorbell ring he automatically rushed towards the door just so he could see Negan's face right away. He unlocked it then opened it to see Negan standing there wearing an ugly sweater. The look on his face said that he was pushed to wear said sweater because his father was also wearing one.

 

 

  
"Hello Rick!" Ken wrapped his arms around him in a friendly hug. "Thank you again for inviting us over."

 

 

  
"Oh it was no problem at all."

 

 

  
Negan's face brightened at that, "Gonna let us in baby? It's a bit nippy out here."

 

 

  
"Come in. There's some appetizers so you won't starve until dinners ready and my mom got presents for you both."

 

 

 

Kenny stepped inside before Negan and embraced his mom as well, she patted his cheek while they exchanged some joke together. And she led him into the house like the inviting person she is. Rick was lucky to have a mom that was accepting the way she was.

 

 

  
"What the hell are you wearing?" Rick tugged on the sleeve of the ugly sweater that was covered in candy canes. "Never took you for the type of person to wear this shit."

 

 

  
"My dad really wanted me to for some damn reason I can't figure out."

 

 

  
Rick kissed him softly, savoring the taste of sweetness on his tongue, "Your mouth tastes sweet."

 

 

  
After stealing another kiss from Negan he brought him inside so they could relax before eating dinner.

 

 

  
"So will Jolene be showin' up soon?" Rick asked his mom.

 

 

  
"Actually no, she had to go to a dinner at her mama's place. Her moms really sick and she just didn't want to make sure she gets enough time in with her. She'll be with me on New Years though since I know you'll be out havin' fun..hopefully not too much."

 

 

  
Sometimes Rick did wonder why his mom wasn't as pushy when it came to details like she used to be. Maybe it was because he was finally eighteen and a lot of people considered that to be an age to allow a bit more freedom. Though his mom always wanted details about things since they had a very tight knit relationship.

 

 

  
Rick got the turkey out of the oven, "Lets just get dinner plated, do you want me to carve the turkey?"

 

 

  
"Yes Ricky, thank you. Are you back together with Negan?"

 

 

  
"Not officially but we're workin' towards that, are you mad at me?"

 

 

  
Leah shifted through the drawer to find the carving knife so he could carve the turkey. "Why would I be mad at you for that?"

 

 

  
"I just thought you'd be mad that I made the decision to forgive him for cheatin' on me..that you would be disappointed in me for it. You can be honest if you are 'cause I can take it, what you think of me is important."

 

 

  
"All I want for you is to be happy with someone that loves you, if that's Negan then I support your decision. Now get movin' so we can eat this delicious dinner that you made for us Ricky."

 

 

 

Setting up the table went by quickly since Negan helped him out and they all sat down together. It almost felt like they ate dinner together all the time that's how comfortable he felt. Eventually the dinner moved from the table to the living room (at least for Negan and Rick it did.) He cuddled up with Negan on the couch while their parents drank white wine together. From what Rick could hear they were discussing their relationships and how they were happy.

 

 

Everything was going relatively fine..at least until Ken handed Negan a card from his jacket pocket.

 

 

  
Rick kept encouraging him to open the card since it seemed important judging by his dads facial expression. "Who do you think it's from?"

 

 

 

"I got no fucking clue who it could be from since my dad was an only child, my dad's mom barely speaks to us. As for my mom's parents..just like her they couldn't give two fucks how I am. My mom only has one sibling who I only met a couple times."

 

 

 

"Open it." Rick encouraged before shoveling stuffing into his mouth. "I'll be right here with you no matter what it happens to be."

 

 

 

Negan ripped open the red envelope only to reveal a festive card with a picture of ornaments on it. "What the fuck?" He opened the card and after reading the first line he let it fall out of his hands.

 

 

  
"What's wrong? Who sent you the card?"

 

 

  
"My mom..she's the one who sent me the card."

 

 

* * *

  
What started out as a smooth sailing type of dinner turned into an absolute disaster once Negan confronted his dad about the card. And of course that didn't go over well because he'd kept the card from him for a week. Negan didn't know what the fuck he was supposed to think about it. His mom abandoned them both and all of a sudden wanted to talk to him.

 

 

Fuck that.

 

 

Negan stormed off to Rick's room and closed the door behind him and when Rick followed close behind he let the tears flow like a damn river.

 

 

  
"If you don't wanna discuss it right now we don't need to do that..we can just lay here okay?" Rick said in a soothing tone.

 

 

  
"Why would he keep that shit from me? It's not even that my mom is reaching out but its the fucking fact that he's been hiding things from me. I don't wanna talk to her or see her not after what shes done but he didn't even give me that decision."

 

 

  
"I fucking hate her.." Negan sobbed. "..i hate her so goddamn much."

 

 

  
He dropped to his knees and immediately Rick went down with him to wrap his arms around him. Negan hated crying like this but he couldn't keep it in, the pain was crashing against him like waves and he wanted to feel better.

 

 

  
Rick rubbed circles into his back, "Just let it out, Negan. I'm right here and I ain't gonna leave you."

 

 

  
"You promise? I can't fucking lose you again.."

 

 

  
"I promise."

 

 

  
They stayed there kneeling on the floor then transferred themselves to the bed where Negan drifted off to sleep in Rick's arms.


	11. I Got Hope for Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Truthfully i was relieved to finally wrap up this fic since i still have a couple to finally finish but this was a nice little ride for the most part. 
> 
>    
> Hopefully y'all enjoy the end result, i couldn't possibly not have them end up together so i made sure it was a relatively hopeful ending (maybe someday it could turn into a sequel) so leave comments!

Several days passed and Negan came to the conclusion that he didn't plan on responding back to his mom. If there ever came a day where he wanted answers or wanted her back in his life then he'd call her. For now he was focused on getting to a place where Rick completely trusted him and so far it was working. They were actively talking about what they want long term as individuals as well as in a relationship. And Negan felt like they were on the right track in terms of getting back together.

 

 

It was officially New Years Eve so there were tons of parties happening but Rick made it clear they were going to a celebration being held at Tara's house. Her dad was out of town so they wouldn't have any interruptions. According to Rick she had no issues with Negan attending the party either (although her girlfriend was highly against it) so he wouldn't have to worry about crashing.

 

 

  
Negan looked in the mirror for the millionth time, slicked his hair back a little more, and over all made sure he didn't look like shit. Not like he was looking to impress anyone other than Rick but not looking like he crawled out of a fucking dumpster was a priority.

 

 

  
For a moment he forgot that Rick was in the room and he was greeted with a peculiar look and a smirk. Sometimes he wondered what Rick thought when he'd look at him, did he think he was just as attractive? Were there things he'd change if he could?

 

 

  
"Out of all days that it could rain in this place it just had to be on New Years Eve. What type of bullshit is that?"

 

 

  
Rick continued to stare at him, "Yeah."

 

 

  
"Why are you lookin' at me like that Blue Eyes? Obviously I can't blame you for checking me out but you look like you're thinking about some deep shit." Negan bit down on his bottom lip nervously.

 

 

  
"I was just lookin' at you, Negan. You look really hot right now and I think I'm ready."

 

 

  
"Ready for what? Ready to go? Fuck, me too. I need a drink..or two."

 

 

  
Rick shook his head, "I didn't mean the party, I meant sex. I'm ready for us to have sex again."

 

 

  
"Holy shit that came outta nowhere now didn't it? We don't need to rush into things baby, we can take them slow. Don't think that I'm impatient or that I can't wait for us to fuck again."

 

 

  
"The past few nights its all I can think of.." Rick's breath hitched. "..so I fingered myself to thoughts of you fuckin' me hard into my bed."

 

 

  
Negans skin was on fucking fire just hearing Rick talk like that to him, before he wasn't like that and it was surprising to witness the shift. He was suddenly being backed up against the nearest wall, his belt was being tugged as an indication it needed to come off. The energy in the moment was entirely different from any other time they'd had sex, in fact, it was more intense. Negan never was much for romance in any of his flings or relationships for that matter. Yet with Rick he found himself wanting all that lovey dovey shit.

 

 

He slowly leaned forward towards Rick's lips then connected and instead of getting aggressive he just took in the taste. What more could he really ask for? To him Rick was absolutely fucking perfect, not even just in looks but he was beautiful inside too. Their hands started scrambling to touch whatever they could, from each others backs to arms, in pure desperation.

 

 

And it went from soft kissing to playing with each other through their jeans which came off pretty damn quickly. Negan wanted to do some basic foreplay but Rick kept assuring him that he was ready, that he couldn't wait any longer. Even though he insisted he still gave Rick a few light strokes and got him loosened up a bit with some vigorous fingering (that Rick requested.) Then he backed Rick over to his bed so he could lay him out on his red comforter. Negan stared down at Rick's soft skin and smoothed his hands over the boys hips.

 

 

  
Before he could urge him to do so Rick wrapped his legs around Negan's back earnestly and he lifted himself just enough so Negan could line up with his hole. When he finally started to push inside he gasped loudly. The best way he could describe how it felt was warm - good. Usually he'd start pounding hard but instead he decided to take his time.

 

 

  
Negan rocked forwards in a slow motion, "How does that feel baby? You like that?"

 

 

  
"Y-yes Negan, it feels sooo good."

 

 

  
"I'm gonna take it nice and fucking slow this time 'cause its been a while for us. I want you to savor this moment baby."

 

 

 

The pace was extremely sensual because he was focused on how beautiful looked, how his mouth was hanging open but nothing came out unless he hit that sweet pot. Negan leaned down and kept whispering the same thing into Rick's ear: _you're so fucking beautiful._

 

  
Rick moaned for him softly, "That feels good."

 

 

  
"You want me to pick up the pace or do you like this?"

 

 

  
"Fuck me a bit harder, I don't mind."

 

 

  
Negan's mouth curved into a seductive grin and without warning started going harder than a few minutes ago. "You got it darlin'."

 

 

* * *

 

  
The new years party was pretty chill for the most part since it was only the people that Rick hung out with so Negan wasn't that intimidated. Or well actually he fucking was because these people weren't fans of him. Even though Tara apparently invited him to come along it still felt awkward since he did fuck Rick over. And undoubtedly he talked shit about Negan a shit ton after the break up. Which he wasn't mad about but it made it easier to hate him rather than warm up to the idea of him being around. He swallowed all his dumb ass anxiety and just waltzed inside. Whoever decorated did a pretty good job if anyone asked him, its like they liked doing that sort of thing.

 

 

  
"It was me who decorated." Rosita was suddenly standing in front of them, gritting her teeth like she was ready to tear a strip out of him. "I noticed you were staring."

 

 

  
Negan smiled genuinely at her, "Oh, well I think it looks fucking great."

 

 

 

"Sure, thanks..anyways I made some homemade guacamole and not that store bought shit."

 

 

  
"I'm sure it's really good, Rosita. All the food you make is good." Rick squeezed her shoulder before going to greet everyone else.

 

 

 

And then it was Negan staring at Rosita who looked at him with a certain glare that gave off the vibe of 'you better not fuck with him.'

 

 

 

"We all just want Rick to be happy and if you fuck with that..I'll fuck you up and I mean it."

 

 

  
"Believe me when I say that I would never do that shit to him again because it was the worst mistake of my life. I can't promise I won't ever piss him off but I'll do my best to make him happy."

 

 

  
Rosita's face went from glaring to a certain softness. "Okay."

 

* * *

 

 

  
It was finally nearing midnight and everyone was already shit faced and still drinking. Negan was trying not to trip over himself because he was a fucking light weight, meanwhile Rick was just laughing his ass off at some joke Tara was telling. Somewhere in the night he invited Beth over so she didn't have to spend the New Years with a bunch of people she didn't even talk to.

 

 

Negan was grateful he was entering the new year with good people, with people who didn't just want to use him for a popularity boost. For someone that was apparently popular he didn't have a lot of genuine people in his life, not even casual friends for the most part. He had Beth who was his best friend and all these people who were potential best friends. And then there was Rick who was so many things at once, tonight he wanted to ask him to be his boyfriend again. It was a big fucking risk because what if Rick wanted to ask him on his own?

 

 

  
When Negan glanced over to Beth its like she was reading his goddamn mind because her eyes averted over to Rick who was swaying to the music. His heart kept pounding his fucking chest like a jack hammer. Whatever he did next would be how he went into the new year. Would he decide to ask Rick to be with him officially again or just wait until he felt more confident.

 

 

Obviously Rick wouldn't turn him down because they were headed in the right direction so far.

 

 

  
"Go and talk to him dumb ass." Beth gestured her hands towards Rick. "You got three more minutes until its officially a new year so just do it."

 

 

  
Negan nervously got up from his seat then went over to him and tapped on his shoulder to get Rick's attention. "We need to talk."

 

 

  
"You okay? Are we okay?" Rick slurred.

 

 

  
"Of course we're okay but that's what I wanted to talk to you about, I've got less than a few minutes to tell you this so I'll just fucking say it now. I wanna be with you, I need you to tell me that we're together again so I stop thinking it won't happen."

 

 

  
"We're together, Negan."

 

 

  
"Really? I just thought - I thought that you.."

 

 

  
"Lemme guess you thought that I wanted to wait for the right moment or the perfect moment?" Rick breathed out. "What we have now is better than before and you're everythin' to me so I hope we last..I got hope that we will."

 

 

  
Negan held onto Rick's hands and nodded. "So do I baby."

 

 

 

"Let's count down now!" Rosita hollered. "Everyone grab a shot glass so we can toast!"

 

 

  
Everyone started counting down and the anticipation was so heavy in the air.

 

 

  
"I'm glad I'm here with you, Rick." Negan whispered between counting.

 

 

  
Once they finally got to midnight they were kissing each other deeply, pulling each other into a warm kiss that really did feel like hope.

 


	12. Prom Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the prom chapter that some may have wanted quite some time ago! 
> 
>  
> 
> I might be writing a sequel to this (I have the first chapter already written) just a heads up.

Entering the gym doors for prom with Beth was a huge check mark off his list of senior year to do list. What he expected at the beginning of the year was him chasing after Rick, begging and pleading for him to dance. The universe came him the exact of that by making it so they were able to fix their relationship. Of course he wouldn't give the universe all the fucking credit, he did some of the work.

 

  
Once the Uber driver got them to the school Negan paid the girl and told her she rocked for providing snacks. The woman who looked a couple years older than him said to have a good prom. Both him and Beth stepped out of the car, they looked each other over to make they both looked okay. Beth didn't seem as concerned about her outfit, she was pretty damn confident. Instead of wearing a dress she was sporting a navy blue pant suit, white dress shirt and white closed toed heels. And Negan was rocking a black suit with a red dress shirt.

 

  
They looked pretty fucking hot if Negan did say so himself.

 

  
Beth texted her date to make sure she was inside then got a response almost immediately. Most people already arrived with their dates but Negan and Beth were determined to arrive together. It was something they'd discussed for years together so they couldn't break that now. Not even for their dates. His phone wasn't even buzzing so Negan didn't even bother to look at it or even check to see if Rick texted. The last text he sent out was a little over a half hour ago, which meant he was on his way or already inside. Sometimes the gym had shitty reception in terms of the WIFI and Negan had no clue if it would be on.

 

 

Plus he knew for certain that Rick wasn't going to ditch last minute and stay home like he almost wanted to. Negan used one of Beth's compact mirrors to see if the eyeliner she applied still looked fine.

 

 

"Oh my god you're such a diva. You look perfectly fine so let's get inside before my feet fall off with these damn heels." Beth urged Negan towards the door but he didn't budge an inch. "Remember I'm stronger than I look."

 

 

"I'm nervous as fucking shit so excuse me for not wanting to waltz in there."

 

 

"I thought we were gonna have the gayest prom ever and we'd be in your words 'four queer motherfuckers taking over the dance floor.'"

 

 

Negan sighed before rubbing his forehead. "That was two days ago, plus I was drunk as shit when I said that! I'm scared that I'll ruin the night for Rick somehow 'cause I have a tendency of fucking shit up. You already know that, everyone knows that and he sure as fuck knows that."

 

 

"Enough of that whiny bullshit where you think you're a goddamn screw up. Sure you've done some shit in the past but he forgave you, remember? If you focus on how you'll screw it up then it'll probably happen." Beth had her hands on her hips, looking like she meant business.

 

 

"Okay okay alright I'll fucking stop."

 

 

"That's the spirit! Now let's go inside and dance our hearts out."

 

 

With the utmost confidence they both walked into the gym towards the ticket station. Some of the students were looking over tickets with a teacher standing close by. Dwight was the one to look over Negan's ticket and gave him a hard time. He explained the BBQ sauce on the ticket was because he was eating wings. The sauce stains aside, his ticket was accepted.

 

 

The theme for their prom was "Under the Sea" which was cliche as fuck but the decorating wasn't hideous. Negan admired the various blue tones, the waves that were decorating the bleachers, the bright blue streamers and the glitter. Someone was running around spraying glitter at people like an asshat. And that someone turned out to be Daryl who seemed blitzed.

 

 

Negan searched the whole crowd to find Rick but he didn't seem to be there, at least not from what Negan could tell. Since Beth's date was there he didn't push her to stand with him. He told her to go out on the dance floor and enjoy herself. With an extreme hesitance she did just that while Negan stood near the spiked punch. If he had his way he'd drink the whole thing by himself.

 

  
"Hey there stranger, long time no talk." A soothing voice spoke to him from behind.

 

  
Negan pivoted and was staring Lucille right in the face. "Hey Luci, it's definitely been a long fucking time."

 

 

"You here with someone or are you flying solo? That was always your style if I recall correctly." Lucille winked at him.

 

  
It was an understatement to say that Lucille was apart of his past, the very past that he tried not to think about very often. Being with Rick did help change him and help make him into someone he can be proud of. Though sometimes Negan wondered about what it would be like to still be single. Would he trying to get back with Lucille? Would he be sleeping around? Who would he be without Rick Grimes?

 

  
"Actually I'm with someone, we've been together for a while now. His name's Rick -"

 

 

"Oh! Do you mean Rick Grimes? I've met him before, he's nice from what I remember. Good for you, Negan." Lucille playfully punched his shoulder, her facial expression seemed forced but maybe he was reading too much into it.

 

 

Negan didn't know how he felt about that, "Thanks Luci, have you seen him anywhere? He's supposed to already be here."

 

* * *

 

 

After staring at himself in the mirror for what seemed like an hour he was ready. Rick was ready to meet Negan out on the dance floor in his white suit. No one else thought he looked like shit except himself.

 

 

Rick fixed his hair one last time then confidently left the gym rest room with a smirk on his face. Once Negan saw him he'd probably freak out about him wearing something bold. Never in his wildest dreams would he have ever thought about wearing anything other than black to prom.

 

  
Near the food and drink table he noticed Negan was speaking to a curvy dark haired girl. Her dress was aqua colored and fitted to her body. Rick had an uneasiness in his stomach upon seeing them together. Just when he thought he could turn around and run back to the rest rooms, Negan saw him.

 

 

The girl dispersed after Negan said something to her that seemed a little too close for Rick's comfort. Negan waited for him at the punch table with a look of adoration on his face. His stomach was in knots when he was finally standing in front of Negan with a nervous smile on his face.

 

 

  
Rick leaned in to give Negan his first kiss of the night. "Sorry I was..late."

 

 

"Where the hell were you by the way? I walked into this place hoping I'd see that stunning face of yours right away." Negan's finger tips were dancing along his palm then he intertwined their fingers.

 

 

Rick shut his eyes embarrassed, "I'm sorry I was just in the rest room...worried that I looked stupid. Thank you tellin' me that I look good 'cause I almost regretted wearing this."

 

 

"I know it's prom night and we're supposed to be enjoying ourselves but I want you to hear this. You're breaking out of your shell and if you feel good in that suit then who gives a fuck? Now let's go dance our asses off! I know you can't dance baby but just follow my lead."

 

 

"Sure but um who were you talkin' to just now?"

 

 

"That was just Lucille..we used to be close. Why?"

 

 

Trying not to sound like a jealous boyfriend was almost impossible especially with the confusion on Negan's face.

 

 

"I don't know I guess I was just curious." Rick didn't show how worried he was feeling on the inside and instead smiled. "C'mon let's dance."

 

 

Even though Rick wasn't one for dancing at all he let Negan lead him out to the dance floor. Once Negan got them into a rhythm that didn't look like flailing around he felt a bit more confident in himself. They melted into the crowd of people without even noticing and Rick started moving his body against Negan's in a provocative way. Negan whispered against his ear that he couldn't wait to fuck him later set him on fire.

 

 

Rick halted just in time for the song to be changed for slow dancing which is when everyone drifted off with their dates. Or whoever they happened to feel like dancing with if they were dateless. He felt himself unraveling in the best sort of way, where everything seemed to be shifting into place. The first thing Negan pointed out was that the song was a cover. And Rick assured him that he knew that was the case.

 

 

"We can skip the slow dancing shit if you want." Negan seemed almost disappointed even suggesting as such.

 

 

  
Rick shook his head at the taller boy and took Negan's hand into his own. "I want to."

 

 

Taking the lead wasn't something Rick was used to in his relationship or outside of it even. But leading Negan in a slow dance would be something they'd both remember past that night. His hand found its way to the small of Negan's back while they swayed together in the middle of the floor. Tears were swelling up in Rick's eyes because he was so overwhelmed by how deep he felt for Negan.

 

  
Rick felt himself barely thinking about his movement, everything was so dream like that he almost forgot it was reality. All those feelings that he felt for Negan were right on the surface, even more so than they usually were. Rick's hands moved up Negan's back like he was clinging to him for dear life. Somehow Negan sensed that and leaned back so they were looking into each other's eyes.

 

  
Majority of the time Negan had something to say that was witty or would break the seriousness of a moment. Instead of doing that he just continued to slow dance with a twinkle in his eyes. Rick felt lucky to be able to bathe in a moment like that with Negan. Once the song ended another slow song came on that Rick immediately smiled at.

 

  
Not a single person was protesting against the song or even showing disinterest. Rick didn't have a clue what it was but almost every person he could see was caught up in their own daze. Whether it was the people drinking at the punch table or the people slow dancing alone or together.

 

  
Soon someone was tapping on his back and it was Michonne who was arriving a bit late. She looked like she'd been rolling around somewhere which once Rick put two and two together he understood.

 

  
"Where's Andrea?" Rick separated himself from Negan who mentioned he'd grab them some more punch. "You look like you had a good time before you got here."

 

  
Michonne gave him a partially serious look, "Don't even start with me. She's over grabbing some food and yes if you haven't clued in we're late because we were..having fun."

 

  
"So you were fuckin'?" Rick didn't bother to hold back his laughter which caused Michonne to burst out herself.

 

  
"Ever since you've gotten back with Negan you've been swearing a lot more."

 

  
"What can I say..he's definitely an influence on me but not a bad one despite his reputation. I don't know I guess I just see somethin' in him that no one else gets to. That totally sounded cliche and a bit corny."

 

  
"I would rather have you say corny shit over sulking over him any day, trust me on that. You're so much happier when you're with him and while a few of us still worry, we know he's good for you."

 

 

"Yeah." Rick turned his attention towards Negan who was high fiving Simon before walking over with punch. "He is."

 

 

To get some air finally Negan lead Rick outside so they could be alone together for a little while. Negan didn't know why he was all of a sudden nervous but he was and it was annoying as shit. Maybe all the electricity from the romantic slow dancing was making him all antsy.

 

  
Negan got them to sit close to the gym entrance for safety reasons. "Why were you crying when we danced earlier? I didn't mean to make you upset if I did..that was the last goddamn thing I wanted tonight."

 

  
"It wasn't your fault or well..at least not entirely." Rick wiped a hand over his light stubble. "Every time we get close like that the way I feel for you hits me so hard. All I want is for this to last but I'm scared. I'm scared that if I let go or if I don't hold on tight enough it won't last. We might drift apart once we graduate and I'm not sure I'll be able to handle that."

 

"I promise that I'll do my best to make sure that doesn't, Rick. But we both need to be realistic about life and what happens after this. Once we grab our diplomas, that's it, high school is over and we'll be different in a way. We might drift apart, we might even break up but I know if that happens we'll find a way back to each other." Negan expected Rick to cuddle up next to him and agree with him which wasn't what happened.

 

 

Rick shifted away from him then showed immediate frustration. "Don't say that. Don't say that we might ...that we might -"

 

 

"That we might break up? That might happen and we both need to prepare for that possibility." Negan scrunched his eyebrows.

 

 

"So what then huh? You're sayin' that you wouldn't even try? That you would let whatever it is fuck up our relationship then down the road we'd maybe make it work?"

 

 

"What I'm saying is that life fucking changes and we can't just pretend it doesn't! You may not even want to be with me a year from now is all I'm saying." Negan's heart was pounding in his chest but the words had to said.

 

 

"Maybe we should just break up right now."

 

 

"What the fuck, Rick? That wasn't at all what I was trying to get at by having this conversation with you. Let's just enjoy the rest of prom night and talk more about this in the fucking morning. Okay?"

 

 

Rick seemed wary but eventually agreed to those terms. "Okay, we'll talk more later. I think I need some more of that spiked punch and some food."

 

 

"That sounds like a good fucking plan." Negan lead Rick straight back into the gym while holding his hand, not as tightly this time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always appreciate kudos, comments + bookmarks.
> 
>  
> 
> follow my twd side blog: rickbisexualgrimes


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